She Won't Reveal 25

            She Won’t Reveal (25)

                      Nidhu Bhusan Das

Professor Sanyal and Sujata have come to sort out the problems of Anu and help her restore emotional balance and mental peace so that she could put her house back in order. They’re, so to say, on a goodwill mission because they feel for Anu.Unstable, she isn’t reluctant to listen to them but, meanwhile, her own plan of action’s drawn up. She’s developed a new relationship which might have rendered the present relationship within the close circle redundant. For reasons best known to her, she’s in friendship with a girl who toes her line as a loyal and ardent follower. She’s found one in Anuradha Roy. Not Sujata but Anuradha’s her soul mate now.Sujata came to know about the new found ally of Anu from Juliet Sangma who’s sent with her to a remote village on the occasion of the opening of a  new branch of the LIC.She’s all praise for Anuradha and quite exuberant while talking about her, reported Juliet to Sujata.

          Anuradha’s a nice girl – soft-spoken, meek, loyal and trustworthy. Above all, she never questions the person she thinks she should believe. She’s the right person for Anu to befriend because she cannot accept that which questions her decisions and actions. She’s decided to let Angshu and Prafullada leave her, she’d live with Anuradha in a rented house. She’s looking for jobs for Anuradha and her paramour in her area so that they could live together in joy.Anu’s fond of coming into new relationship and experimenting with it. Her experiment with Angshu ends soon if she ultimately can execute her new plan.

 Anu never goes back once she decides. She hasn’t shared her plan with Sujata during the course of their post-lunch discussion.Sujata’s earnest and would like to see Anu emotionally settled. She doesn’t know Anu’s already psychologically settled with Anuradha and her paramour who’s been her friend since the college days.Sujata also knows about him but is unaware that the friendship between the handsome Kashmiri boy and Anu still exists.Sujata knows who’s responsible for the breakdown of the relation between Anu and Arup and, therefore, quoted Oscar Wilde when Anu brought her failed love with Arup up during the discussion,” Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.” Anu wore a forced smile.

               In fact, Anu tells the story of this failed love to everyone she befriends. Every new friend feels pity for her and comes closer to her. The story of the failed love’s assumed mythical proportions for her and the new friends.Anuradha’s empathy turned into sympathy for her Ma’am when she’s told how her newly-heard-of-Arupda had left the ma’am in a lurch. She’s never mentioned her Kashmiri friend who’s now the paramour of Anuradha.To Anuradha her Madam’s like Miss Havisham in Charles Dickens’s novel Great Expectations. She’s heard of Miss Havisham but doesn’t know the details. She only knows Miss Havisham’s betrayed by her fiancé. She’s reluctant to understand that betrayal isn’t exceptional in love. A wealthy dowager, Miss Havisham would inspire Pip, the protagonist, to love her adopted daughter Estella: “Love her, love her, and love her! If she favours you, love her. If she wounds you, love her. If she tears your heart to pieces—and as it gets older and stronger, it will tear deeper—love her, love her, love her!”

 She knows what her ma’am tells her about life and love. She’s come to be enamoured with the ma’am as she understands the madam’s passionate, indulgent, honest and loving. When Anuradha tells the ma’am of her day-to-day philandering with her Kashmiri soul mate she’s going to tie knot with soon, Anu laughs which evidently encourages the credulous post-graduate girl. She isn’t aware that she’s immature in respect of love through social networking, and her rationality’s overcast by a romantic idealism and innately good conscience.Anu’s fond of both of them, and knows whether the scale of the fondness tilts to the right or the left.Anuradha believes it’s to the left of her paramour while he believes it’s to the right of his new-found beloved.

              Anu’s logic, sound or not. She’s come to understand Prafullada and Angshu have questions in their minds regarding her relations and soundness of her decisions and actions. Angshu’s junior to her by eight years, and she accepted him as her son because she needed him when she’s in an emotional vacuity. She still loves him and respect the sanctity of their heavenly relation. But Anuradha’s come to her life, and she’s a long emotional attachment with the lover of the girl. If Prafullada and Angshu leave, there will be no difference in number in the family.Anuradha and her Kashmiri lover would replace them immediately. Only the quality and the structure of the relations will change, and Anu would restructure the relations to her advantage once the knot’s tied between the girl and her most coveted lover. The Kashmiri boy’s interested because he expects a jolly life with two girls in a peer group.Anuradha doesn’t have any other consideration than finding the right husband to fulfill her dream of having a status in what, she understands, is the five-star intellectual ambience. It’s to be seen how the new arrangement, when implemented, comes to the benefit of the girls, and who of them will be able to extract the maximum joy out of it.

Sujata and Prof. Sanyal are ignorant of this plan of Anu.They’re now in the garden with Prafullada and Angshu.Anu’s gone to the local market to buy fish and some vegetables.Angshu volunteered to accompany her but she frowned.Sujata marked it, and was disappointed.Prafullada and Angshu have the same information and assessment of the situation.However, both of them have a strong feeling for Anu.They’re constrained to decide to leave.Prafullada works for Anu and Angshu’s enough to support himself and isn’t a burden for her He’s a software engineer. After discussion with Sujata and her son, they’re ready to stay with Anu and support her. But Angshu shared information which was disturbing. He said,” The day before yesterday MAA talked by telephone in a conference call to a girl and a boy. They’re going to marry and stay with her.”

“Is it? How is it possible?” asked the professor, stunned.

“MAA called her Anuradha and said Kashmiri boys’re the handsomest. I tell you he’s my classmate, a very brilliant boy, now an engineer. Religion’s no problem. All Muslims of Kashmir aren’t bad. He’s excellent. You come. The marriage will be under the Special Marriage Act. Don’t worry. Both of you’ll live with me. I’m making arrangements for your jobs,” reported Angshu.The professor looked at Sujata askance.Sujata asked Angshu,”Are you sure this was the conversation?”

“It’s a long conversation. They’re likely to come next fortnight,” he said, confident.

“Who could they be?” the professor wondered.

“I know. Juliet told me about Anuradha being the new friend of Anu. The boy must be… I’ll tell you,” Sujata stopped short of naming the boy.

          Anu returned beaming. She went straight to the kitchen, asked Sujata to help her in the cooking. Sujata and the professor have marked that Anu shows indifference to Prafullada and Angshu.Now they try to visualize the unfolding situation. It’s a critical juncture and they’re baffled.( continued on 6th November 2014)

She Won't Reveal 24

           She Won’t Reveal (24)

                      Nidhu Bhusan Das

The lunch’s lively.Prof.Sanyal’s created the ambience. Smile and laughter marked the occasion. They’re five at the table.Anu and the professor were seated side by side. Across the table Sujata’s at the centre with Prafullada on the right and Angshu to the left of her. All had mentioned the culinary triumph of Anu. She cooked pineapple-hilsa, Mughlai Chicken and mungh dal.”Auntie’s a brilliant cook with a spirit of innovation,” said the professor in a sincere tone.Others agreed.” Auntie I think we should stay back here for a couple of days for the food,” continued Prof.sanyal. “I’d be happy if you stay with me till my last day,” Anu said. “Are you sure, auntie?” the professor asked, earnest.” I mean what I say, son. Your presence and counseling are important for me,” said Anu.

                     It appears Anu’s changed. She says she needs counseling. The past suggests she didn’t care for any opinion other than her own. This didn’t help her become what she could be. She’s talented. She could have been a great scholar had she been careful and self-conscious. She sacrificed for love and wasn’t reciprocated. She’s reluctant to accept the fact in an attempt to hide her error of judgment. Blunder followed blunder.This’s time for her turnaround and she understands it isn’t possible without counseling. A turmoil goes on in her mind.

                    After lunch the professor went to the guestroom for his usual siesta. Anu asked Angshu to go to the guestroom. She thought Angshu should be given an opportunity to pour out his mind to someone. The professor would be able to know his mind and analyse his thought necessary for counseling. Besides, she’d share important things with Sujata to which Angshu shouldn’t be privy. Angshu followed the guest.  The two had a long conversation. The professor lay on his back while Angshu’s sitting on the edge of the bed near the head of the guest. Propping his chin on the right palm Professor Sanyal said to Angshu,” You must have a fantastic life in the beautiful bungalow with the edifying presence of your graceful MAA. She’s really a wonderful human being with motherly qualities.I envy you. Had I such a MAA!” Angshu agreed with the guest and said his MAA’s really excellent and said,” I’ve never seen such an accomplished and gracious person as my MAA. I respect her and love her. She’s my god-given MAA, I believe and feel. Of late I’ve begun to pity her, feel sorrow for her,” said Angshu, his voice wet.

“Is it? But why, what’s wrong?” asked the professor, eager.

“She’s changed, loses temper often, and doesn’t have patience to hear us,” said Angshu, sad.

“Maybe, she’s troubles in the office. It happens in working place sometimes,” said the guest to pacify and reassure Angshu.

“Do you know she’s already resigned?”

“How can I, she didn’t tell me. Possibly you’ve the wrong information. It cannot be. My MAA Sujata, her soul mate, would know.”

“Arupbabu’s sister who’s her junior colleague and union leader in the office came one evening and told her she could now go to her brother as she had resigned.MAA didn’t go out that day. The next day she left for Guwahati in the morning and Arupbabu came in the afternoon to talk to her.”

“Interesting! Did Arupbabu tell you anything?”

“He said MAA’s his friend. The following day two persons drove to the house before noon. They came in a luxury car. They went round the bungalow and looked longingly at the garden. They said it’d be a good bargain. We may buy it below the ruling price because she needs money to pay the house loan off.”

“The two pieces of information reinforce each other i.e., she’s resigned and she’s going to sell the bungalow,” remarked Angshu.

“You must wait and see. It isn’t wise to jump to conclusion,” said the professor to assuage his feelings.

“I feel for her, I’m sad because she might have done something unwise.”

“She’s your MAA and she’s really wise. Every step she takes with much care.”

“But she’s being provoked by the sister of Arupbabu, she doesn’t understand it.”

“Prafullada and you spend most of the time in the house. Did you share it with him?”

“I did. He shares my concerns.”

“Where’s Prafullada now?”

“He may be in his room.”

“Well, we may talk to him when he’s in the garden. When is he expected in the garden?”

“Around 4 p.m.”

                     The professor said his MAA loves both of them. She depends on them. She does

everything with care and much thought. They shouldn’t worry. She thinks about their future. She’d never go to Arupbabu.She’s very clear in mind, honest in thought. Sometimes error of judgment occurs inadvertently. We should consider that.” Don’t lose heart. Everything will be okay if you understand her and co-operate,” he assured Angshu. They continued the talk uninterrupted. The two friends upstairs also shared emotions and minds.Anu’s candid. She told Sujata what compelled her to resign and decide to sell the bungalow.” Had you and I been in the same office, I mightn’t have resigned. And since I’ve resigned I won’t be able to pay the EMI of the loan so I’m to sell the bungalow,” she explained.Sujata said,” That you’ve resigned is a blunder. You could share the idea before implementing. You haven’t learnt from experience. Now what’s your decision? I’m sure you haven’t informed your parents, have you?

“No, I won’t. I’ve no parents,” Anu said,” harping on the same string.

” What’s your next plan?” asked Sujata, anxious.

“I don’t know, exactly.”

“Will you stay back here or return to Delhi or Kolkata?”

“Won’t leave this place. Would rent a room, find some work to do.”

“Then what’ll happen to Prafullada and Angshu?”

“They’ll leave me soon.”

“Who told you? Again you’re mistaken.”

“Prafullada told he would leave. Maybe, Angshu would seek another MAA.”

“Have Angshu told you so?”

“He hasn’t, but I understand.”

“Then you’re again a failure. Maybe, I’m harsh, but I must say so.”

“Not harsh, you’re hundred per cent correct. My life’s a big heap of failures.”

“And you invite failure after failure. It appears you enjoy failures.”

At this Anu began to cry, and said,”Sujata dear, how can you say I enjoy failure? Here you’re harsh, really.”

“Would you like to be guided by my son? You know he loves you, feels for you, intensely.”

“He must have been unhappy and may have thought I’m capricious. Would he help me, really?”

“If you’re interested to be helped. It’s he who persuaded me that we should visit you in no time when I told him of your resignation. He personally requested the regional manager not to forward your resignation letter to the head office.”

“But, Sujata, I won’t withdraw.”

“Let’s talk together and analyse the pros and cons. Are you interested?”

“I’m dear. I would like to be guided. I understand I’m lost.” ( continued on 30th October 2014)

She Won't Reveal 23

           She Won’t Reveal (23)

                      Nidhu Bhusan Das

 Anu’s closeted by Sujata and Prof. Sanyal in her room.Sujata’s morose and broke, but the professor’s steady. He knows he must help Anu regain her balance and strength. Emotional excesses cannot help in the situation.So, he began casually,” Auntie, we’ve come to taste the food you cook and listen to your music.Sujata Maa tells you’re a fantastic cook and a brilliant musician. She always sings of your versatility.”

“Son, I cook sometimes but don’t find time for music here,” said Anu smiling sadly.

“But today you must be free, auntie. I won’t have you busy otherwise, I mean with your routine tasks,” the professor insisted.

“I’ll be busy with you, if it’s pleasing for you, son.”

                The stage’s thus set by the experienced professor. The cloud begins to disappear. The gloom recedes. An ambience for free exchange of views inches forward.

“Now no burden of thought, no other preoccupation, only delighting talk,” the professor suggested.

“And I’ll kill you if you don’t follow what my son says,” said Sujata forcing a smile.

“I cannot but value what he says,”assured Anu.

“That’s like my buddy,” says Sujata, hugging her.

                    She remembers the days when Anu’s rocking, kept the company of friends cheerful, and wouldn’t let anyone feel gloomy. Throughout the student life she’d been their cheer leader. So sweet’s her personality, assuring’s her presence. She still feels Anu’s her sibling. They’re roommates in the hostels. They sat for the LIC recruitment exam together. Both opted for the north-east. They’ve been in regular communication by phone. They know everything about each other. She’s a guitarist par excellence. Even after Arup opted out of the love relation, she didn’t lose her sparkle, though she’s hit hard. She would share her agony only with Sujata, but never allowed the pain to translate into gloom. Such was her psychological strength.Anu knows how to weather storms. She’s also the potential to create storms to her perils. This time the resignation, Sujata feels, is a fatal blow – she’s torpedoed herself.

“Auntie, how would you define freedom?” asked the astute professor.

“When the mind’s free, son,” replied Anu smartly.

“That’s right. How can we’ve our mind free?”

“When we can think, imagine and feel free.”

“I see, you’ve profound idea! Do you think you’re free?”

“No, dear.It’s difficult to be free.”

“Why? You’re now free from control and intervention of any kind.”

“That’s true. There’s no external control. But I feel disturbed, somehow.”

“Would you elaborate, please?”

“I’ve the feeling none believes me.”

“But we believe and love you, understand you.”

“I know, yet I cannot rest assured. There’re forebodings and premonitions.”

“What forebodings and why?”

“I don’t know son. I’m afraid everyone’ll desert me, very soon.”

“Maybe, this isn’t what’s going to develop. Okay, we may talk on it later on. You’ll never be alone if you can tackle problems, if any. May I go see your beautiful garden, auntie?”

“Should I go with you or you’ll be there alone?”

“No no…it’s nice to be alone in a garden. Meanwhile, you two friends talk and share.”

                  The professor thus took leave and went to the garden where Prafullada’s found brooding. Professor Sanyal didn’t know Prafullada. He guessed the person beside a pitcher tree couldn’t but be the gardener. If he’s the gardener, he’s Prafullada. The gardener isn’t aware when he’s become Prafullada of all around. His first name’s been extended with the addition of the suffix ‘da’ and none’s interested about his last name or the family title. Perhaps, he himself often remains oblivious of the fact that he’s ‘Prafulla Das’.This happens. The gardener took it as usual. Only when one day Anu called her ‘Dada’ he’d a unique feeling. Now this feeling is a trouble for him, a pang which he cannot bear. “I think you’re Prafullada,” said the professor going close to him.

“Sir, I’m Prafulla Das, the gardener.”

“You think a lot on gardening, brood like a creator.”

“No, not that, sir. I’m a simple man…cannot…”

“What you cannot? Please tell. You look sad!”

“Sir, you must have seen ‘weeping pine’ somewhere.”

“Yes, I’ve. So what?”

“Don’t you feel for them? Haven’t you ever thought why they stand straight yet keep their little branches and leaves downcast?”

“Why Prafullada?” asked the professor to understand what symbolic meaning the gardener reads in the posture of weeping pine.

“They’ve the head high but the spirit low. They don’t have the desire to reach up to the Spirit behind the Creation.”

“You mean, they’ve the posture, not the spirit”

“You’re right, sir.”

“Would you draw an analogy between the pines and the people around?”

“There’s but I wouldn’t have the audacity to specify any person.”

“I’m told you don’t like the place any more. Is it?”

“I like the place but not the psychospace dominating it for some time.”

“You can change it being a person respected by all here.”

“Is it?” asked the gardener with a sly smile flashing like a lightning.

                  The professor understood the gardener’s the earthy wisdom and can read the mind of people around if and when he feels it necessary.Prafullada isn’t happy, and has, possibly, taken a decision because his dream of living in a tranquil ambience has been shattered somehow. He found the bungalow wonderful with Anu as the icon of spiritual beauty and beatitude. Prof.Sanyal’s confident Prafullada’s the only person who can bring back the blessedness of the bungalow. He hopes to have a successful talk with him after lunch. He’s told the gardener they’d have lunch together. He goes round the garden and enquires about the plants, the flowers and their maintenance. He’s said the creator shouldn’t leave his creation. It’s against the law of heaven. The Creator of the universe’s omnipresent in his Creation. He may be disturbed when we human beings out of lust seek to dominate the Earth and even the outer space, but the Creator never abandons His handiwork. Had the force or power left the universe, it would have crumbled and chaos would follow leading to its extinction.

              Prafullada’s evidently cheered. He’s happy to understand that he’s a role to play to restore joy in the house. Never before did he hear such an interpretation of the role of a creator. He tells the professor all about how the garden’s laid and the role of enthusiastic Anu in the planning. He says he’s sad that Anu’s lost that enthusiasm, exuberance and humility which once made him so happy.” She might be pursuing something elusive,” he’s said. The professor hasn’t agreed and said tersely,” We shouldn’t come to a hasty conclusion. Human mind’s a complex and puzzling phenomenon, and it’s really difficult to gauze the psyche and its working.” ( continued on 20 October2014)

She Won't Reveal 22

           She Won’t Reveal (22)

                      Nidhu Bhusan Das

Nilu and Amal are now in Derhadun.It’s summer. The climate’s mild. Nestled in the Doon Valley between the Ganges on the east and the Yamuna on the west in the Garhwal Himalaya, the city is famous for its picturesque landscape and vegetation. This is the place far better than Kolkata for Nilu to live at this stage of her pregnancy. The ancestral house of Amal is spacious and elegant. The child in her womb’s grown.Amal doesn’t keep her alone. He or his trusted maid, pretty and cheerful Babita, is always with her. The change in her physique’s prominent.Amal loves her, and is proud of being the father of the child she bears. But Anu’s lost her sparkle and robust optimism. She cannot share his joy. She knows it isn’t time for her to be mother which hinders the fulfillment of her dream. Moreover, she’s going to give birth to a love child, outside marriage. She won the game of sex several times, and at last lost it to Amal. Trapped now, she doesn’t know if Amal will marry her, or just go on with live-together. He doesn’t show any enthusiasm to suggest that he will marry. Rather he’s happy to lord over her.

              Nilu knows about the Devadasi system in Assam. It has overtones including erotic one. It’s a tribal practice and tantric rite.Nilu looks upon Devadasis as bonded women. She feels she’s now a bonded woman, a victim of sexual exploitation.Anu couldn’t be unaware of such exploitation.

Amal is masculine in all aspects, and Nilu like masculinity. Yet she cannot like Amal although he’s vigorous in bed. He’s bestial vigour while Jyotirmoy and Jerry have beauty in their approach. They’ve the art and refinement while he’s crude.Her possibilities are doomed, being under the control of Amal.He knows the game better than she does. He now isn’t against her going back to Kolkata or Amlarem. But she cannot return for obvious reason. She cannot face Jyotirmoy or Anu. She doesn’t know Anu’s in trouble. Jyotirmoy and Jerry telephone her but she cannot express herself because she isn’t free. Both Nilu and Anu’ve a kind of identical problem, though they‘re in different situation. But one thing’s common. Both of them live in a world of fiction. It’s like this:

“ In the small circle of pain within the skull
You still shall tramp and tread one endless round
Of thought, to justify your action to yourselves,
Weaving a fiction which unravels as you weave,
Pacing forever in the hell of make-believe
Which never is belief: this is your fate on earth
And we must think no further of you.”

 -third priest in Murder in the Cathedral by T.S. Eliot

             Nilu justifies her association and sex with Amal. She tells herself, ‘I did it to pursue my dream. Amal’s the person through whom I got to Jyotirmoy.This happens in the world. Connections are important. You cannot go high without connection.’

Anu’s also her justifications for her omissions and commissions. She ratiocinates: ‘What else could I do being the victim of parental neglect? Arup’s there who understood by loneliness empathetically. True, I lost him because of my whims and caprices. Maybe, I asked too much from him. His parents were so good. They’d call me MAA. They’re very affectionate. It’s my fault I couldn’t be their daughter-in-law. But Arup’s also to be blamed. He misunderstood and tilted to Mita which I couldn’t accept. Well, I could have been tactical which I’m now. But being tactical is not also beyond criticism, and I cannot bring to bear that. I’ve taken to Tantra Sadhana for salvation. But here are again strategies and stratagems. This is irritating. Whenever I’m questioned, explicitly or implicitly, I’m irritated. I misbehave, even with well wishers. Now I’m on the plateau, don’t know what to do. Yes, I’m headstrong and arrogant. I understand I am not on the right track, cannot prevent mistakes. So, I’m irritated, always.But what can I do?’

But Anu’s her Thammi to fall back upon. She won’t go against her advice. She’s her mentor, if not Guru. But Thammi’s her last resort, she believes.Nilu’s none to rely on right now. She doesn’t care what her parents tell. She believes her parents cannot understand the world of literati. Both are boastful, but Anu gives in to Thammi. This is positive aspect of Anu, and right now Nilu’s without any hope.

              They’re now in the bath tub.Amal fondles her. They’re locked in a kiss.Nilu looks more and more beautiful as her pregnancy advances. Amal likes it. He hasn’t yet decided what he’ll do – marry her or continue to live together as long as desirable to both of them. In fact, Amal isn’t sure about the next course of action of Nilu. An ambitious girl can do anything to get her dream fulfilled. Emotion, feeling and such other considerations don’t carry them. Amal himself doesn’t attach importance to such things. He won’t have any remorse if she leaves her after the birth of the child. Of course he’ll feel defeated. So, he’s strategies to keep her bound. Both of them know they’ve the strategic relation sans emotion. The embryo’s going to be born as a pleasure-child. She may not love the child as is expected of a mother. The child’s unwanted for her. She’s for the termination of the pregnancy even now. But he won’t let it happen anyway. He’s chained her, and would see to it that she cannot get unshackled. Already he’s sent messages to Jyotirmoy and Jerry that Nilu’s going to be mother of his child. News to this effect has been spread in Amlarem.Anu would have come to know it had she not been in her self-made trouble.Amal’s for now sure Nilu’s nowhere to go. She’s no other alternative but to stay with him like an obedient housewife or a partner-in-sex.

              Anu doesn’t have any such problem. She’s able to restrain herself and resist amorous advances.

             They’re now in the bath tub. The bath tub really is the place haunted by Eros and love-juice oozes out and pastes them. Now they’re busy making love. Past and future aren’t their concern at the moment when lust turns into love and confirms their physical and emotional union. This is the moment of bliss, and they would like the moment be infinite.Nilu feels Amal, who has the physical prowess and erotic excellence is the right person for her.Amal thinks she’s his girl, and would never part from her, come what may. The mirrors on the walls reflect their image-in-union. The water in the tub gives off the aroma secreted from their bodies and thus enhances their fixation.

            Back in Amlarem, another Himalayan location of idyllic beauty, Anu’s in a fix. Everything around appears to be grey to her. She’s in remorse, and cannot decide what to do to prevent an impending disaster. She’s navigated many a time the turbulent sea of trouble and negotiated adverse situations. This time even Thammi doesn’t support her whimsical actions. She’s been asked to face the music. She ponders, cool and meditative. She must tide over the problem of her own creation. True, she who ties the knot can untie it. So, Anu must unmake what she’s made, rebuild the bridges she’s unbuilt with her parents, Prafullada and Angshu. Maybe, interested parties, if any, will come in the way and try to unhinge her mind but, she knows, she shouldn’t go against the advice of Thammi. Sujata and Prof. Sanyal are there to help her. She understand, they’re her friends in need and in their presence she’s going to regain her strength and good sense. (  continued on  16 October 2014 )

She Won't Reveal 21

            She Won’t Reveal (21)

                      Nidhu Bhusan Das

 At 7 a.m. it’s all bright. Brightness is conspicuous in its absence only on the face of Anu.The smile which kept her face always lit is gone. Her placidity is lost, only pangs and contradictions remain. She went to the room of Angshu and called him. Told him to come soon to have breakfast. She went to the garden and asked Prafullada to be ready for breakfast. Now she’s in the kitchen to get the food ready. She remembered her parents, busy professionals, would never fail to do such domestic chores like preparing breakfast and have it together with all family members. Her papa would go every morning to the market to buy daily necessities, particularly the perishable items like fish, meat and vegetables. Both the parents were respectful to her Thammi, would never go against her advice and injunctions. That’s a great protection for her, and that’s, perhaps, the reason she’s developed a no-care attitude in the latitude Thammi allowed her out of affection. So, Thammi’s thought to be her only friend and mentor at home. Her parents couldn’t give her time up to her expectation.

            Breakfast today’s in the room of Anu since it’s a family matter that would be discussed. At 7.30 a.m. they gathered in the room. Anu tried to put on a brave face, which is her wont when she’s in crisis and wonky.

“Prafullada, you’ll stay with me, won’t you?” she asked in an authoritative tone.

A silence followed. Prafullada kept mum, his eyes downcast, glistening like the rain which falls through the sun rays. He’s happy that he could take the decision to leave and feels the agony that he’d bid her adieu soon. He won’t like to repeat that he would leave because he understands the next question would begin with a ‘Why’ which he cannot answer. He’s reluctant to say anything which may appear to her unpalatable. He’s many questions in his mind regarding her relations with the parents and Arup, the Sadhana and her general mode of living, her rash actions and recent behaviour with Angshu.He’s scared that he may also have to, one day, swallow the invectives which she could, for reasons of her own, hurl at him. He’d the fond desire to go to the parental house of Anu to re-lay their garden.Anu’s mother told him about her plan to take him for the purpose. Now he wants to be away from here in no time. He feels time’s running out. No more of emotional attachment, no more dithering.Anu may chart her course of action.

            The silence of Prafullada stunned Anu. She looked at him, intent. Was she trying to read the mind of the gardener? Psychology fails when the psychologist’s out of tune, and his/her mind’s turbulent. This may happen in case of Sadhana as well if the parapsychologist loses tranquility of mind, and is out of tune with the surroundings.So, Anu’s gaze was just vacant, and her mood was pensive. The coffee cooled, the food remained untouched. A gloom descended on the scene. A monosyllabic utterance broke the eerie silence when Anu laboriously said,” Wait” and ambled into the room of Thammi.Prafullada and Angshu looked on, their lips tight.

“What can I do, Thammi?” asked Anu.

“Think yourself Annu, the solution is with you,” Thammi suggested, noncommittal.

“Won’t you help and support me like in the past?” asked Anu, helpless.

“I’m there with you, Annu. You can do it, I tell you.”

“How! I don’t understand,” Anu’s candid.

“Abjure your ego, go and talk to them. Listen to them; try to understand them and your mistakes. They love you and are your well wishers,” she kissed Anu and fondled her as she burst into tears.

She rose slowly; winced at the memory of the stupid things she did and waddled to her room to face again Prafullada and Angshu.

Wiping the eyes with the corner of her scarf Anu Said,” I’m doomed, I’m alone, and I’ve lost everyone. Maybe, I’m arrogant, I fly into rage, and often.This is my fault, serious fault. Please forgive me, Prafullada, Angshu. I love you, believe me.”

“You‘re arrogant because you cannot but be so. You’ve lost your sense of proportion. You’ve gone beyond your capacity. You stretched your capacity to the breaking point,” said Prafullada, desperate.Anu swallowed.

“The other day a couple came to inspect the house. They said they’re going to buy the bungalow. Have you planned to sell it?” asked Prafullada.

“Yes, I’ve.Is it a big deal?” she shot back.

“We’re sure it is. They said you’ve resigned, and are no longer with the LIC. Is it true?”

“It’s true. So what! Does it mean the hell’s broken on us?”

“Yes, we’re in hell now. You’ve created the hell for you and for all of us.”

“We’ll be able to survive the crisis,”Anu asserted.

“Next to impossible, if you don’t change. Resist yourself from the temptation of building castle in the air, dear.”

“Dada, please, bear with me.”

“Yes, I’ll. But you must change. You must withdraw the resignation and stop thinking of disposing of the bungalow. Would you?”Prafullada’s straight forward now.

“Well, I’ll, definitely.”

“Why have you maltreated Angshu? What’s his fault?”

“I’ll mend my way. I love Angshu.I was disturbed. You don’t know Dada how much people disturb me, particularly one at office.”

“Who’s that particular one?”

“Arup’s sister. She always spies on me, conspires against me.”

“How come, you’re in the same office?”

“Arup got it done, ostensibly to take care of me.”

“I understand. You’re under their surveillance, and you enjoy it. You feel good that Arup’s interested.”

“No, Dada. Believe me, I’ll never go back to him, even though she constantly persuades me, and tries to put me in trouble so that I’d bow to them.”

“What does she tell?”

“She tells me to marry Arup.”

“Are you sure you haven’t the faintest desire?”

“Hundred percent, Dada.”

“I’ve another suggestion.”

“Please tell.”

“You must build bridge with your parents.”

“Well, I’ll do that.”

“Telephone your mom, right now, and request them to come to you as soon as possible.”

“But they don’t like me.”

“Who said? You’re misled, misguided somehow, maybe by interested people. I’ve seen how your mom’s anxious about your future while she’s here. You didn’t have proper attention, didn’t take leave even for a day. You’re arrogant, rather.”

            The conversation broke off as Sujata and Prof. Sanyal called her. Anu went out, eager. They hugged her. It’s a poignant moment.Sujata cried and Anu couldn’t hold back tears. ( continued on 9^th October 2014 )