She Won't Reveal 18

           She Won’t Reveal (18)

 

            
                                            Nidhu Bhusan Das

  Amlarem’s charming in the spring. No thunder and lightning of summer and bitter cold of winter.Prafullada looks on. Beautiful flowers in the garden and lush green Nature beyond are mesmerizing. We may look at Nature to drink her undefiled beauty, to draw solace from her when we’ve the troubled mind or just to show that we love her. For Prafullada, Nature is all he likes to be with. She’s her first and last love. He doesn’t know why he’s come to look upon Anu as his sister. He’s the question in mind but no answer. This happens. We don’t find answer to all the questions relevant to our lives. A simpleton like Prafullada in his innocence may not have the insatiable query of a philosopher or a frustrated lover. He’s usually in a jocund mood. Since childhood he finds the joy in Nature reflected in him. But the fact that Anu’s taken him into her confidence has brought in him a sadness which he cannot explain away. He feels he’s the brother of Anu and uncle of Angshu. In the absence of Anu, he’s been the guardian of Angshu, and she’ll return today. The home, he feels, will be full of joy, and she’ll beam in the charming atmosphere Nature presents. However, he won’t be able to share the joy.

            Unlike his nature, Prafullada has begun to feel a pang now as he awaits the arrival of Anu.A melancholia’s shrouding his joy as a blue sky may sometimes be overcast in the Himalayas. He cannot remember if anytime he had the same experience. He never felt he belonged to a society other than that of the Nature where trees, birds, rivers and the vast sky had been his companions and sources of joy. He had been away from the idiosyncrasies and egoistical problems of people around. He works for Anu not for money or for being in her family. He loves being in the midst of Nature and being a creator as a gardener. The aroma of trees and plants is what sustains his energy and spirit of life. He feels like every other creature – be it a bird, doe or deer, a plant, a river, a Himalayan peak – a human is also a part and contributory element of Nature. He finds harmony in Nature, and dare not face and cannot like the conflicts and vices like betrayals the humans are involved in and subjected to. He’s pained to see that Anu and her mother couldn’t get reconciled; Nilu isn’t a real friend, Anu’s in discomfiture when Arup’s the subject of talk and thought. He isn’t sure how the relation between Angshu and Anu will evolve.

               He remembers how he would spend hours together in the company of Nature even when he’s a child. That’s why he couldn’t be comfortable at the village primary school, and ultimately failed to have any formal education. Sitting on the threshold of the front door overlooking the gate of the bungalow, waiting for the  sound of the car that would bring Anu back, he reflects on the  circumstances that generated his empathy for Anu, particularly after her mother’s visit. He doesn’t like the whir and screech of a car, yet he’s waiting for one so eagerly. He’s eager to see Anu return as he hopes the house’ll be lively in her presence. He doesn’t enjoy the sound of cymbals Anu creates while worshipping the goddess Kali and lord Mahadeva, and her incantations are beyond his comprehension. He’s never peeped into her spacious worship-room, and doesn’t understand how clad like a western maid, modern in gait and switching and mixing codes while talking, Anu’s come to be in Tantra sadhana though she’s a high profile executive.

           Prafullada doesn’t have the desire to be an ascetic or a recluse - he knows he’s like a plant, a flower, a butterfly or a bird, carefree and unbound. He understands he mustn’t be involved in the family of Anu, but the fervent appeal of her to be with her in her crisis set him thinking. What should he do for now? He remembers recently in a monologue she’s said:”Do whatever you like in this life…once gone, this life’ll never come back.Fulfil all your desires. You must reach your destination…” (JA karar ei jibone e karo…ei jibon aar fire paoya jabena.sab ichha puron karo nijer moner.jeta destination setake pate e hobe…).Here he finds a contradiction between her life of worship and desire for temporal gain. He feels these two cannot be reconciled, yet she thinks this way. In his wisdom he believes this isn’t the place for him. He must leave Anu and Angshu and go far away to live in the midst of friends in Nature. Let Anu return and after a couple of days he’d take leave of her before the bond gains in strength. He wouldn’t like to be a witness to the complications that may follow in the life of Anu and Angshu vis-à-vis the renewed interest of Arup and her new-found or hitherto dormant philosophy of life “Do whatever you like in this life.”

His thought’s been disrupted when his eye’s fallen on a swarm of butterflies flying from flower to flower. They’re carefree and happy, he understands. Now in the garden, he’s lost in the serenity of Nature. Sitting on the stool near the garden table he feels oneness with the soul of Nature. No more Anu, no more Angshu.He’s now in his own happy world. Angshu’s called him several times but he has been unaware of it. Anu’s car has screeched to a halt but the sound hasn’t been able to submerge the harmony he enjoys.Anu’s discovered Angshu sad and thoughtful on the sofa of the drawing room. She’s kissed him on the forehead and received his kiss. They’re now in the bedroom.Angshu complains Prafullada’s been found nowhere.” What!” the mother exclaimed. She’s rushed downstairs and into the garden where Prafullada’s found meditative. She takes him by the hand, and out of reverie he smiles, sadly, and follows her to the drawing room.

“Dada is there anything wrong?” she asked earnestly.

“No, no Bunu (sister), I’m okay,” he replied with a forced smile.

“Was Angshu naughty?” she enquired.

“No, he’s a good boy, take care of him. He’s your future,” he suggested.

“Then why are you sad?”

“Bunu I’ve to tell you something,” he said hesitant.

“Please tell me dada.”

“I’m to go.”

“Where?”

“Don’t know.”

“Why, then who’ll help me take care of Angshu? Don’t you love Angshu?”

“You’re there. Mother’s the best guide and guardian.”

“Dada, you know, I’m lonely, without a real friend, someone who understands.”

“But your social relations have become complicated.Arupbabus are there.”

“That’s why I need you, dada. Please don’t desert me.”

“But you’ve contradictions.”

“Why do you think so?”

“You’re involved in Tantra Sadhona, and at the same time believe it’s wise to go for temporal gain.”

“No-no, I’m for sadhona.That I meant for people like Arup who don’t understand the life of sadhona.”

“Before I go I’ll tell you one thing, bunu.”

“I won’t let you go.”

             Anu begins to think about what Prafullada would tell her. Why he wouldn’t tell it now. Will he tell something about Arup or Angshu? Does Angshu also have the same feeling about her complications? Anu goes upstairs, closes the door and wouldn’t have dinner. Loneliness again grips her, she thinks what’s ahead. (to be continued on 28th August 2014)