She Won't Reveal 20

          She Won’t Reveal (20)

                   Nidhu Bhusan Das

Professor Sanyal didn’t expect it. Usually his mother doesn’t call him up at this time of the day when she sets to work at office.Sujata’s telephone at 10.15 a.m. made him apprehensive.” Why does she call now…anything wrong!” he thought, anxious.

“Hello son, are you at home?” Sujata asked, her voice trembling.

“Yes, MAA. What’s wrong?”

“I’m coming, please wait.”

            Sujata ran out of the office, took an auto and rushed to Prof. Sanayal’s flat. She’s stunned.” Alas! We couldn’t save the situation,” she cried to herself. Moments seemed to be stationary to her; the auto appeared to be dead slow, more so because of the traffic jam, which has become a chronic problem in Guwahati these days. She found herself snarled up in the traffic, only ten minutes away on foot from her son’s flat. She’d no time to wait. She paid the fare, disembarked and reached the flat fleet-footed. The Prof was awaiting her with bated breath. He waddled into the corridor, stood in front of the lift. Sujata’s perspiring and they hurtled into the room. The professor caressed his mom, cautiously asked why she’s so upset. Overwhelmed with grief and anxiety, Sujata couldn’t speak out for some time. The Professor fetched and offered her a glass of water. Sujata began to cry like someone moaning. Minutes passed and she moaned,” Very bad news, son!”

“What’s that, MAA?” he asked, concerned.

“Anu resigned.”

“What! Are you sure? Why, what happened?”

“I don’t know, I’m told she’s resigned. The reason’s unknown.”

“It’s unfortunate, maybe a rash action.”

“I telephoned her over and over again, but she’s not-reachable.”

“Now do it again, we must know and persuade her to withdraw.”

“Would you talk to her, son? I’m broke.”

“Connect her.”

           Sujata made a call again. The call matured.

“Hello! How’re you Sujata?” Anu responded, her voice infirm and trembling.

“Is it true, you’ve resigned?” Sujata asked, overwhelmed.

“Not untrue, I’ve,” Anu didn’t mince words.

“Why’ve you decided to do so? You’ve again acted recklessly,” sujata’s critical of Anu for the first time.

          Anu’d already begun to realize she could no longer bulldoze those who feel for and so long have stood by her. Thammi’d criticized her, Prafullada appeared to be disenchanted and Angshu might feel uncomfortable. It’s a new situation for her. So long she’d not allowed anyone to question her commissions and omissions. She won’t brook any contrary view of even her parents. Then Thammi’d stand by her, indulgent. Now, obviously, she stood alone.

“Maybe, but I feel relieved,” said Anu after a long pause.

“You said the same thing after you broke with Arup.It’s your typical nonchalance and self-deception,” commented Sujata.

“Please, Sujata, don’t be cruel to me. You don’t know the situation which forced me to take the decision,” Anu began to cry.

“Well, tell me,” asked Sujata.

“Not now. I’ll tell you, but let the dust settle first,” Anu tried to dodge Sujata who thought it useless to argue with her who didn’t learn to yield and accept opinion.

“Well, talk to my son” Sujata handed over the handset to Prof. Sanyal.

“Auntie, we’re reaching your place tomorrow to understand,” said the professor tersely and returned the set to Sujata who terminated the conversation simply saying,” Okay, see you tomorrow, bye for now.”

            Anu’s yet to realize that she’s insolent. Her Sadhana, of late, has reinforced her belief that she cannot make any mistake, have any error of judgement. It’s like the assumption that the Queen of England cannot do any wrong. Is it? Sadhana, she isn’t willing to believe, cannot be divorced from life. Is it renunciation that she’s for? Obviously, she isn’t sure. She’s for enjoyment of life. She’s been unable to forget her days with Arup.  Once she, in a poignant moment, confided to Sujata “the memories of those days and of the merry situations together bring tears in the corners of the eyes.” Yet she persuades herself to believe Sadhana would provide her a much coveted salvation. She told Sujata that Arup would every night call her to make her remember to take medicine. They’d profound feeling for each other. Her caprices disenchanted him, and this could be one of the reasons he opted out of India and went to the USA to study medicine. Now it’s obvious her hamartia’s her inconsistent thought coupled with insolence.

           The professor decided they would start at 5 the next morning aboard a hired car so that they could reach Amlarem by 9 a.m. The car had already been hired. They’d been burdened with terrible thoughts, and, therefore, couldn’t enjoy the lunch.

Post-lunch they set to analyse the mind of Anu. Sujata recalled her friend’s recent rash comments and shared them with her son so that he could understand her recent state of mind.

“You don’t know son how she’s behaved with Angshu recently over a trifle. And he’s very upset.”

“What’s that, how do you know?”

“In fact, I telephoned Anu. She’d hurried to the market in a flurry following a hot talk with Angshu, leaving behind the handset. Angshu received the call. He said Hello in agony, I understood. His voice appeared to be choked.”

“Then?” the professor’s curious, anxiously.

“He said Anu called him a liar, inhuman, ungrateful, and hurled at him different other invectives.”

“What for? What’d Angshu done to invite her ire?”

“Angshu simply wanted to know why Arup’s so curious about her. He also said he couldn’t like her being involved in oblations forgetting food and sleep. It told upon her body and mind.”

“She should have understood his spirit, his concern for her.”

“That’s the problem with her. She wants unquestioned loyalty. She likes sycophancy.”

“Who’re her sycophants? Do you know about some of them?”

“I don’t know, she must have some who’ve influence on her, who may be all praise for her parapsychological abilities.”

“People who’re influenced by adoration invite their own doom. You cannot save them. When you demonstrate your knowledge to gain cheap praise, you’re lost in a fool’s paradise. True, knowledge’s power, but if you try to acquire and use knowledge to be powerful, you choose the flight to self-destruction. I don’t think she should be so silly.”

“Tell her this tomorrow. Try to point out her follies and foibles, or she’ll lose the battle of life.”

“Is she interested to win the battle? Do you think so?”

“She dreams ambitious dreams, I can tell you for certain. She fancies she’s in the path of salvation through sadhana, but her dreams are rooted in the mundane, the temporal.”

“Let’s see and have a rest. Try to sleep, go to your room, forget that for now at least,” said the professor, and ambled to his room. ( continued on 2^nd October 2014 )