She Won't Reveal 19

        She Won’t Reveal (19)

                                      Nidhu Bhusan Das

Silence reigns in the bungalow and outside Nature’s in her vernal rhythm with the verdant vegetation in sleep. It’s past midnight. Angshu’s fast asleep unaware of what’s been the conversation between his mom and Prafulla uncle who’s sleepless reflecting on his decision to depart soon and the reaction of Anu who hasn’t have her dinner after a long and arduous journey back home. Again he feels the bond and a kind of indecision has gripped his mind. What will he do – leave or review his decision? He’s evidently in two minds. What goes on in the mind of the plant when its flowers fade and die, or are plucked, he tries to understand. He feels the plant’s in bereavement, shorn of her flowers.

             Anu lies relaxed like a corpse, a yoga posture which helps one to be oblivious of the physical existence, and to transcend. But the turbulence is yet on. She tries to remember the sea voyage between Kolkata and Port Blaire with parents when the school was in summer vacation in 2001. She’s 14.Still she remembers the sea is placid beyond the coast. She enjoyed the journey. She’s learnt to compare the mind with the sea. She understands the turbulence is on the fringes only, and tranquility exists at the core of the mind as the sea far beyond the coast is, in normal condition, placid. Often she concentrates on deep the sea to get back the tranquil mind.

Uneasy lies the head which concentrates on and tries to hammer home a belief that love and affection is possible while relevant emotions don’t generate spontaneously. Belief and emotions are different. Sometimes, a belief may be translated into emotion which Prafullada has tried this night. Rolling on the bed almost the whole night he’s tried to understand if it would be wise and morally correct to desert Anu at this juncture when she’s impulsively resigned and left LIC.Prafullada’s against impulsive action. So, he reflects on the evolving situation and feels Anu’s heading towards a serious crisis, and she’ll be friendless if he leaves. At dawn he’s in the garden. The flowers are abloom. He won’t allow even Anu to pluck any of them. If she insists, he’ll tell her why he forbids. If she doesn’t listen, he’ll go and silently melt away for ever and ever. He broods while the

Fresh air of the wee hours washes his face and rejuvenates his heart and mind.

              Angshu enjoys a sound sleep in the room right to that of Anu. The door is ajar. Anu’s stirred out of the room for a few minutes and goes back hearing the call of Thammi. The curtain of the door of the room to the left of hers is still in a stir. Thammi’s face to face with her. She feels the warmth of the hug of Thammi.

“What’s wrong with you, Anu?” asks Thammi in a wet voice.

“You know that, Thammi!” said Anu, indulgent.

“I understand you’re in trouble.”

“I’m,” Anu bursts into tears.

“And you’ve invited the trouble!”

“Yes, I ignored your suggestion and acted instinctively.”

“You shouldn’t have resigned.”

“But I couldn’t pull on.”

“You’re impulsive, and that’s your problem.”

“Thammi, won’t you help me?”

“I’m always with you. What about Prafulla and Angshu?”

“Prafullada’s said he’d leave.”

“Why?”

“He hasn’t said.”

“Have you asked?”

‘No.”

“You should have.”

“Can’t you tell me?”

“I can, but won’t. You yourself try to understand,” said Thammi, caressing her.

“But Thammi, can’t you talk to him and tell not to leave?”

“That’s possible, but I would like to see you tackle the problem rationally. You must be self-reliant. I mayn’t be always at your beck and call.”

“Help me to be rational.”

“If you’re rational, he won’t desert you.”

“Is he angry with me?” she asks, imbecile.

“Not angry but disappointed.”

“Is it because I’ve left the job?”

“Maybe. But he’s fed up with your silly thought and behaviour.”

“Am I really silly, Thammi?” she asks like an emotional fool.

“Should I say NO?” she asks, perturbed.

“Don’t be silly, Thammi. I’m serious.”

“For how long, dear! You’re mercurial. Haven’t learnt from experience.”

“Do you really know why Arup left you?”

“I persuaded him to marry Mita.”

“You did it to cover up your failure.”

“What’s my failure, Thammi?”

“You’d been capricious, really whimsical. He’s scared.”

“I’m no longer whimsical, Thammi.”

“You think so, but haven’t changed. You’ve wild dreams. Okay, now let’s sleep. Talk to Prafulla and Angshu soon after you get up. Don’t drag me into the conversation.”

           Thammi went to her room. Anu perceives Thammi’s perturbed and is in anomie. She’d definitely have a session with Prafullada and Angshu.  She walks to the corridor overlooking the garden, looks at the azure sky above. The east is bright, the sun’s about to rise. The beauty in Nature always hypnotizes her. The scene’s mesmerizing. She drinks the beauty, and is lost in thought. What’s irked Prafullada, why did Thammi tell her to talk to Angshu also? Is there anything wrong with Angshu? Will Angshu also leave me?

            She remembers she’s rude with Angshu the day she resigned. He politely asked her why she’d taken that decision and murmured that it’s a wrong step. At once she became furious and burst out,”Angshu, try to behave. I ain't supposed to give an explanation." 
Taken aback, Angshu said," You've taken a wrong decision,MAA." 
"Ooo ! Shut up...You needn’t pass opinion. Your opinion doesn’t count to me. In fact, I don’t count the opinion of anybody, not even of my parents.”
          She understands now Thammi’s also disturbed. She ignored her opinion against taking any decision instinctively. Again she did the same thing. She’s realized she hasn’t learnt from experience. She’s headstrong, whimsical, impulsive, mercurial, intolerant and prejudiced.

 True, she’s a clean mind, and she’s liberal and philanthropic. She believes people indiscriminately, and comes to disbelieve anyone instantly because she doesn’t like people to argue with her, question her. She isn’t a good listener and won’t have anybody to put forward a counterpoint. The impending meeting with Prafullada and Angshu will be a turning point. (To be continued on 25 September 2014)