She Won't Reveal 16

                           She Won’t Reveal (16)

                    Nidhu Bhusan Das

Even in December noon Sujata was perspiring. It wasn’t because she’s tensed. Juliet’s with Anu.Sujata’s relieved. Guwahati also has the impact of global warming. But Prof. Sanyal’s sweating profusely even under the fan-at-full-speed. Concerned about Anu, his mind’s turbulent. Outside leaves were almost stationary. The north wind’s forgotten the city for now at least. But a tempest’s blowing in the mind of the professor. Alone in the flat, he’s reminiscing, and was in anxiety for Anu who, he felt, was a victim of maniac depression.

 Sujata, after lunch, took Anu to the LIC Regional office wherefrom she’d journey to the new rural branch to officiate as manager for a few days. A junior colleague of Sujata accompanied Anu. Sujata asked the colleague Juliet Sangma to take care of Anu and never to leave her alone. After see-off she came straight to Professor Sanyal’s flat. She’s on leave for a week. The Professor was waiting for the report on the arrangement of the journey. He’d in hand the book Psychology of Love by William Aston. Opening the door he asked,” Everything alright?” Sujata assured,” Juliet’s with her, no problem. She’ll take care.” They sat face to face on the sofa to discuss more the issue of Anu to find a remedy, if possible.

“Maa, is it that she loved only Arup, and there’s none else to have her tenderness equally? Or Arup didn’t suspect the presence of a second lover?” asked the Professor pointedly.

“You may say she’s like the Duchess in the poem My Last Duchess by Robert Browning.”

”She smiled to and favoured all and sundry which wasn’t to the liking of the Duke.”

“Anu once told me, when Arup called her PUTUL, the face of Maqbool’d emerge before her,” broke Sujata for the first time.

“Who’s Maqbool?” enquired the Professor, searching for a clue.

“Maqbool Abdullah, a Kashmiri boy, our classmate at college.”

“Was there any love lost between them?”

“He’d a dimple on the left cheek, and she’d poke the dimple, and they’d hearty laugh.”

“Interesting!”

“She confided to me once she told him ‘I like you, Maqbool!’ ’Like your study, girl’ he replied, smiling.”

“Did Arup know it?”

“Not unlikely. You know, she’s candid.”

“Was it for this she became eager to arrange his marriage with Mita?”

“That’s a different story. She’s generous, really. People don’t understand or value such generosity. Arup’s understood.”

“Where’s Maqbool, now?”

“In Delhi.”

“Are they in relationship still?”

“They’re in communication, but she’s arranged his affair with one of her friends. She monitors the progress.”

“Will you call it normal behaviour of a girl-in-love?”

“It’s a riddle. But here’s also her generosity. She’s decided she won’t marry.”

“I understand Arup’s a nice man, and he isn’t to be blamed.”

“Anu doesn’t blame him.”

“She shouldn’t,” the Professor’s obviously serious.

“Son, my buddy’s unlike other girls of her age. She can make sacrifice.”

“But cannot forget what she sacrifices. Why does she not erase Arup from memory? Such sacrifice cannot make you happy. And she isn’t.”

“It’s a different life, son.”

“Well, tell me how.”

Arup cannot forget her. He remembers her often. How can she be dead? It’s telepathy.”

“Telepathy also involves a kind of messaging, a sender and a receiver; in this case Anu’s the receiver in the first instance. If she doesn’t react to the stimulant from Arup, it cannot happen.”

“That’s true, son. But it’s great the relationship sustains even after it’s undergone a change.”

“I can’t agree, Maa. The agony sustains, not the love.”

“The agony engenders from love.”

“No, not at all. The memory’s the source of the agony.”

“Maybe. Once she told me tears fill her eyes when she remembers the situations of their being together, philandering.”

“It’s her psychic problem, difficult to overcome.”

“Exactly. She said it’s difficult to forget those moments, they’re poignant.”

“Let me consult the leading psychiatrists. List all you know about her and her relations. These inputs will be vital clues to solutions.”

Anu’s impulsive and headstrong. It’s a combination fraught with problems. You cannot be practical with such a combination. Reason yields to rashness. She’s the victim to rashness. If she cannot change, she may lose more. That will be a serious psychological setback for her. But she must be saved anyhow. She’s a great soul. We cannot afford to lose her.Sujata loves her. It’s important, thought the Professor.

Anu reached Tyrna village in Meghalaya after an 11-hour drive at 9 a.m. and telephoned Sujata and her son back home. She along with Juliet went straight to the new office decorated with floral festoons and vases. She felt elated for being here as one specially chosen by the management for launching the operation of the branch. Juliet, as requested by Sujata, followed her like a shadow. Anu’s smiling face instantly endeared her to the colleagues and the potential customers. She set to business and urged the guests to choose policies. The opening day saw brisk business. At 5 p.m. she and Juliet boarded the car to go to the hotel in the nearby town. They had their bath in the hotel and ordered snacks. They’re in the balcony, having snacks and coffee. The sky’s blue and birds flying southward.Anu loves Nature. She said,” I envy the tranquility of the sky. Peace reigns here. God blesses the firmament with joy.”

“Why do we look up to the sky, often?” Juliet’s curious.

“Because the mind tends to ascend.”

“And the reason that Nature attracts?”

“The mind expands when we can observe and study her. She brings joy and heals the wounds. She’s innocent.”

“Ma’am.what’s joy?”

“Depends. It varies from person to person. When you’re in joy you’re exalted, and vice versa.”

“Who’re in joy? How do we know?”

“Those who’re deep in the study of Creation unaware of themselves are in joy.”

“But such people are rare.”

“Joy isn’t for all and sundry.”

“Are you in joy?”

How can I be? I’m still concerned with the mundane. I haven’t been able to lose myself.”

“You mean an ascetic can be in joy.”

“Probably you can say so.”

“Do you strive to be an ascetic?”

“It’s difficult, but one should try. If you succeed you can enjoy the bliss of a world unique in itself.”

“Where does this world exist?”

“It’s in your exalted mind.”

“How can we’ve the exalted mind?”

“Through meditation. See how Nature, the sky, the mountains are always in meditation. They’re vast in size and profound in essence.”

As the tranquil evening progressed, Anu suggested they might have a walk. They went out and strolled along the pavement of the boulevard. While Juliet enjoyed the beauty of the lit buildings and starry sky, Anu’s mind reached the essence which is the reality behind the world we see around. This essence is the Truth, and the world around is the appearance of the reality, the appearance of Truth. Anu’s in two minds- will she ascend for ever or stay back for her son and uncertain love? (continued on 31^st July2014)

She Won't Reveal 15

                    She Won’t Reveal (15)

                  Nidhu Bhusan Das

The stone angel’s now abed. She’s lying on her back, with the eyes turned to the ceiling. The clouded eyes couldn’t see beyond but the silence suggested she’s away from the room, and her mind soared into the realm of the clouds over the mighty Himalayas. She’s alone even in the presence of Sujata who’s beside her, consoling the silent soul mate.Sujata felt her forehead burning. It happens when she broods. All her energy gathers between the brows on the forehead. This state continues for hours. She arose at about midnight, pacified. All through Sujata remained awake. She smiled, as if an answer to her problem had been found.

 However, the tranquility’s short-lived. The manic depression and the attendant tendency to commit suicide revisited her. The lids of the tired eyes of Sujata went to rest and a slumber visited her. Anu left the bed at dawn, which isn’t her wont. Professor Sanyal, an early riser, saw her loitering in the drawing room often looking at the stationery ceiling fan. He became apprehensive, a foreboding gripped him. He decided he’d engage 
her in a conversation. He called her,” Auntie, what’s up there? I see you’re an early riser. It’s good for health and creative thought. Let’s talk away the vacant moments.”

Startled, Anu said,” Let’s, son.”
“How did you come to have Angshu?” asked the Professor.
“It’s serendipitous.”
“Interesting! Please tell me the story.”
“It’s a Sunday, a sultry summer evening. I was in the drawing room in a 
vacant mood. It’s just a month that I had come to the house. I heard someone opening 
the front gate. I looked out and saw a person, willing to come in. With beads of sweat 
on the face, he looked like a morning bloom bathed in dew. I opened the door and he said he’s enchanted by the beauty of my garden. I invited him into the drawing room. He began to talk on the flowers and plants of the garden and appreciated the selection. I gave him water and some sweets. He drank the water, didn’t touch the sweets, 
thanked me, rose from the sofa and motioned to go out. Don’t you like sweets?” I asked.
“I’m fond of sweets, but won’t have any now,” he said, seriously.
“But you look tired. Why don’t you rest here for some time?” I urged.
He smiled and said,” Rest’s forbidden for me.”
“Is it? Where’re you from?”
“Bengal. I like the Himalayas. I’m looking for my mom here. She’s 
left me a year ago for heaven. Whenever I find time I go out to trace her. You look and 
behave like my mom. May I call you mom?” he asked earnestly.
“Oh, really! Am very happy to be your maa, sorry, mom.”
“It’s really nice you’re my mom, sweet maa.”
“Are you a Bengali?”
“Very much and, therefore, you’re my maa.”
“You’re hundred percent my chhele (son), tiny chhele.”
“Have you a grown up son?”
“No, you’re my first and last chhele.”
“So, you’ll address me from now on as chhele.”
“I’ll. Where’re you lodged here?”
“At Hotel Cynthia.”
“Can’t you stay with your maa?’
“It’s too early. Don’t love and believe people at first sight. It’s simply unwise, maa, he suggested pensively, and crossed the threshold and the gate as I looked on.”

“This serendipitous meeting set me brooding. I began to think,’ Is it 
something God willed for me?’ He’s angelic in look and prophetic in speech. The 
meeting and what he said continued to haunt me. I felt to be in bliss.”

“Auntie, let me go bring hot tea from the vendor on the pavement. His 
tea’s excellent.” 

The Professor left the room for Anu to be alone for some time. Anu 
looked on at the framed pictures of the Professor’s Maa and the betrothed who fell 
victim to a fatal accident. This tragedy turned out to be a turning point in his life. 
 “He’s, said Sujata, determined to remain a confirmed bachelor, and doesn’t shilly-shally about it. Why can’t I be like him? Is it because she’s departed the world-stage and he’s still active on the stage?” she introspected.

The Professor’s back with tea. He poured the tea into cups and brought biscuits.

“Auntie, take the tea, and here’s the biscuit.” Anu awoke from her trance, and began to sip.

“Now tell the rest of the story of your son. It’s interesting,” the professor’s eager.
“Well, the next day in the morning, making coffee I drove to the hotel. At the reception I asked for his room. The receptionist called him by intercom and told I’d come to visit him. Within minutes he came down to receive me with enthusiasm. He took me to the room. I poured coffee for us into the cups I took with me. We’d a wonderful 
interaction.
‘Why did you take so much pain to come here, Maa? You could well call me,’ he said with humility. I said,’ It’s my duty to see that my son’s the beverage soon after he gets up. I drove back home with him, and he turned out to be my God-given son.”
“Then you must be happy, as my Maa is happy having me,” said the 
Professor, affectionately.
“I’m. But some people don’t like it. Their interest may be in my 
unhappiness.”
“Who’re they, how they’re linked with you?” the Professor tried to probe.
“They’re those who want me reconciled with Arup, and Arup himself’s jealous of Angshu.”
“How do you know?”
“Nilu’s made it clear to me.”
“Oh!”
“She often tells me ‘you’re harbouring a serpent, Arup’s concerned about your relation with Angshu.’ It isn’t acceptable, son.”
“It matters little if you can have faith on Angshu. They don’t understand. Forgive their ignorance,” the Professor tried to justify the relation.
“I know they don’t understand anything beyond materialism.”
“So, have faith on your wisdom. They’re not to understand why Siddhartha opted to renounce the throne and became the Buddha.”

Mollified, Anu sank into a reverie. The Professor, his gaze on the stationery ceiling fan, let her be in that state. He thought how the fan which generates cool air when the temperature’s high could also be an instrument of death for those who choose to be self-killers. He knows manic depression is characterized by alternating episodes of an elevated mood and depression. When the mood’s elevated i.e. in a state of mania, an individual feels abnormally happy, energetic, or irritable when poor decisions’re made due to unrealistic ideas or poor regard of consequences. The Professor knows psychotherapy’s a reliable treatment of the ailment. He called Sujata to his study and told her what he’d seen and perceived of the movement of Anu at dawn. He asked her to prevent Anu from going to the remote village on official duty, or to accompany her 
when she’s in such a state.

 “Is this a recurring phenomenon with her?” he would like to know.

“I don’t know exactly but her mood swings quite often,” she said.

“Is it the problem from her childhood?” he asked.

”No, No, not that. She’d like to talk, laugh heartily and was skipping about. She’s known as rocking & charming Anu. This problem set in after her failed love,” she informed

.“How do you say it’s failed love?” asked the Professor.
“She says it’s their mutual failure. She persuaded Arup to marry Mita.But I’ve doubts. “
“Grounds of your doubts?”
“Had her Thammi been not there to help her, she’d have been no more 
to be with us here today.”
“You mean she’s deceived herself and, overtly, still in self-deception?”
“She isn’t in the habit of accusing others for anything wrong. Rather she blames herself for being unable to cope with situations.”
“It’s heavenly of sorts, but human beings cannot be Mahadeva i.e., God-like to be able to absorb poison.” 
“How can she get rid of the problem?”
“Let’s think,” said the Professor, his posture grave.

Anu’s still in her reverie. Her mind traveled in the realms of clouds and descended back as Arup appeared in her thought. What does it mean? She’s confused. Will she respond to the advance of her former bf? Ne’er, she’s still certain. But human psyche’s unpredictable. (continued on 17^th July 2014)

She Won't Reveal 14

          She Won’t Reveal (14)        

                  Nidhu Bhusan Das

Anu and Sujata are now in the drawing room of Prof Sanyal. The distinctive beauty of the room’s its books on myriad subjects lined in shelves. The characters of books and their talk reflect the modern concept of inter-disciplinary study. The green carpet wrought with paranormal motif creates an aura unique in itself. Anu faces the Professor for the first time. The Aryan features of the scholar with his piercing eyes holds any probing mind. Anu’s instantly impressed when the Professor welcomed her calling ‘auntie’ and praising her stoicism he’s come to know about from his Maa Sujata. The two friends have come to the flat to participate in the dinner hosted for Anu. The Professor, happy being the host opened the conversation.

“How do you feel here away from your tranquil abode, auntie?”

“I’m comfortable with my buddy and you, son,” said Anu, smartly.

“Why have you not brought brother Angshu? We could have nice time together, we two

brothers,” the Professor said, earnestly.

“He’s comfortable with Prafullada, far from the hustle bustle of the city.You would be

happy when at our place with Angshu. He’d also enjoy your company.”

“We’re so alike, isn’t it, auntie?”

“How, son?” asked Anu, earnestly.

“Paranormal, I mean,” snapped Prof.Sanyal.

“But it isn’t recognized as science,” moaned Anu.

“They say it’s hoax,” added Sujata.

“It’s the science of Mind,” emphasized Prof.Sanyal.

“They say science of mind is Psychology,” said Anu.

“Paranormal phenomena relate to Mind, you know,” explained the Professor.

“They say science’s the body of knowledge that can be rationally explained and reliably

applied,” said Sujata.

“Paranormal’s science since it’s reliable for those who experience the phenomena. It

requires an exalted and transcendental mind,” the Professor tried to convince.

“I feel so. How can I let others know that I’ve regular communion with my departed

thammi? Who’ll believe it if I tell of the communion?” said Anu.

“They didn’t understand when Socrates asserted he could talk to God,” recounted Sujata.

“Yes, understand is the right word, not believe,” said the Professor.

Anu’s telephone buzzed. As she looked at the monitor, a pall of gloom appeared on her face. She said into the phone ‘Hello, son!’ with her voice trembling.

“Maa, Arupbabu telephoned and asked about your address at Guwahati,” informed Angshu.

“What did you say?”

“I said I don’t know.”

“God knows who gave him the phone number,” Anu murmured.

“I asked him. He said Nilu auntie gave,” said Angshu.

“Okay, son. Give Prafulla uncle.”

“Uncle’s here. Please talk to him.”

“Hello, Dada take care. Don’t leave Angshu alone, please.”

“Don’t worry, sister. I’m here.Angshu loves me. So, rest assured.”

Anu’s back to the conversation, put out. She’s really disturbed that Arup’s begun to pursue her though he knows she won’t respond to his exhortations. Her emotion for romantic love’s drained out, and he’s the cause. She cannot forget the days of ordeal and nightmares.

“What happened?” asked the Professor, worried.

“Arup, you know my former bf who’s married with my friend, appears to have taken strong interest in me. He’s in Amlarem, called at my office, I left for Guwahati to skirt him. In my absence he’s visited my house, talked to Angshu, and now asks for my telephone number. I don’t understand what’s in his mind. I’m worried, extremely.Don’t know what to do and what’s ahead, son.”

“Auntie, do you’ve any interest in him?’

“No, not in the least.”

“Had you been in communication before his arrival at your place? How did he know your

location?”

“Nilu, his maternal cousin’s my friend at Amlarem. She‘s behind it.”

“How come, you’ve become friend with the girl? Is it because she’s the cousin of Arup?

Doesn’t it mean that you couldn’t erase Arup from your mind?

“Maybe,” she said briefly, and began crying.

 The Professor and Sujata had a trying time to comfort her and stop her crying. “It’s

natural, really difficult to forget the person who once was the cause of many sweet

dreams.

“Auntie, I haven’t meant to hurt you, only want to understand your problem. How did the

relation break up?”

“That I can’t tell son. He’s been good to me all through. We

feel for each other. But I cannot return.”

“If that’s your resolve, it’s wise to steer clear of him, isn’t it?”

“I’ve tried, but Nilu’s been the barrier. She wants me to be like them. “

“You’ve said he’s been good to you.”

“Would you support bigamy, son?”

“You mean Arup wants you to be his second wife?”

“It’s like that, son.”

“Then you’ve to decide now for the sake of Angshu, at least.”

“I understand, but cannot. Help me, son.”

“I’ve a suggestion, but I guess it won’t be acceptable to you.”

“How do you know?”

“Sujata MAA told me you won’t visit your parents.”

“That I cannot do, son.”

“But there lies the possible solution, auntie.”

The dinner’d been ready by this time. The Professor decided they should dine now and

talk over the dinner and afterwards.But Anu's silent all through.Was she groping for a solution? She looked like a stone image the eyes of which were a fountain of tears rolling down incessantly.Petrified and brooding,Anu appeared to be a Stone Angel.
(continued on 3^rd July 2014)