She Won't Reveal 44

            She Won’t Reveal (44)

                      Nidhu Bhusan Das

           “Don’t know what papa would discuss. Is he anxious about my future? He, it appears, is weak, even mentally. Wasn’t so. I haven’t seen him so broken down. It’s a pity for me. I’m the cause. But what’s his plan? Will he say I need a family of my own? May be. Parents desire it. They cannot be happy with the uncertain future of their children. I’m their only child. They might have many dreams spun around me. But what can I do? I also dreamt of a family. The dream shattered long ago,”Anu remembered.

         “Should I speak my mind? I’m really in agony. Don’t know what will happen to Anu after we’re no more. She’ll become more lonely, vis-à-vis difficulties. Doesn’t one need a family? What would happen to me had Anupama not been with me? I don’t know what’s in the mind of Anu.Is she really determined to remain single? God knows,” Dr. Arindam thought, uncertain.

        “My parents are different, I should say, unique. They know how to build a family and sustain it. Our family web has four nodes. One node disturbed the web, but still it exists because the other nodes are stable-my parents and thammi-in-absentia.I’m the other node, unstable,”Anu analyzed.

        “Anu’s our hope; it’s she who could perpetuate our legacy. But she doesn’t seem to perceive it. She’s her own world of phantasy.She failed to realize her potentials. She’s a good human being but her goodness terminates into a utopia. We cannot point it out.Maybe, she wouldn’t take it kindly. She’s headstrong,”Dr. Arindam thought in retrospection.

       “If I go for having a family now, it’ll mean I renege on a pledge .We pledged to build our own nest-Arup and I.Arup’s his family. But I cannot turn back. In fact, I cannot forget,”Anu studied her weakness.

       “Should I pour out to Sujata? Anu depends on her emotionally. I don’t know if Anu has any plan for future. Sujata might know. We may understand Anu through interaction with her buddy. Let me first talk to Anupama,”the doctor decided.

       Dr. Arindam’s a meticulous man. He’s meticulous both in profession and family.Anupama’s like him- tender, thoughtful and understanding, never decides alone.Tired, she went into sleep when her husband’s talking to Sujata and Anu. Arindam wouldn’t disturb her sleep. He understood she’d sleepless nights while he’s at the nursing home.This’s the second time since the birth of Anu that they stayed separated for days together. Earlier it’s for 8 days when Anupama went to Amlarem to visit Anu.Both of them felt the pang of separation.Anupama went alone to explore the way Anu lived and had charted out her roadmap. They didn’t go together because Anu wouldn’t be open in the presence of her papa.Anupama was reticent and a keen observer, and didn’t ask Anu any probing question. She simply tried to understand all the seven days she stayed with the daughter. Back home, she reported to her husband everything she’d observed. They lost hope and despair led to the attack on Arindam.But the return of Anu to be beside her ailing papa brought back hope, as a blessing in disguise. They could come to think anew.

     Anupama rose. It’s time for Arindam to take medicine. He’s awake and asked Anupama if it would be wise to talk to Sujata to know the mind of Anu.She encouraged him.

     “Uncle, how are you?” Arup asked, concerned as he entered the room.

“You!” Arindam raised his brow in amazement at the unexpected turnout of Arup who had never communicated since his breakup with Anu.

“I didn’t find Anu by phone.I became worried. Thought I should come to know,”Arup’s candid.

“So, after a long time. How are your parents? Where are they now?”Arindam was eager to know.

“Okay. They’re here.”

“You often visit them, possibly once in a couple of months?”

“Cannot make it so often. Have to stay with Mita every Sunday.”

“The rest of the week?”

“I’m posted at Haridwar, come to Delhi Saturday evening, leave early morning Monday.”

“Been better had you been in Delhi or Mita could be with you at Haridwar.Well, you know better.”

“Have been told at the entrance you had an attack! How are you now?” Arup tried to divert.

“Survived, recuperating, convalescing,”he answered, disturbed as he looked back.

      Anupama didn’t raise her eyes, and would run out of the room had her husband not been in the present state of his health. The presence of Arup’s annoying. He had been the epicentre of the terrible quake in the family. She knew the cause of the attack on her husband. The presence of Arup accentuated the hurt she felt the night Anu came head hung, attending the wedding of Arup-Mita.She went straight to the room of thammi and howled.Thammi took a long time to comfort her into sleep. The next morning Arunima Devi cried profusely. The wise lady understood the long-term effect of the shock on Anu.A long struggle began to purge the sense of loss of Anu, but in vain. The struggle continued but the damage couldn’t be controlled. Even today the grand old lady’s busy trying when she should have been in rest. And the cause of all the trouble and turbulence in the pacific family’s now, for the first time, face to face with her husband. Her heart pounded at the apprehension of another, possibly ensuing, attack on her husband. She won’t ever forget how their daughter went crazy and melancholic after Arup ditched her.

     Arup dared not ask for Anu given the gloom looming large in the room. Neither his parents nor the parents of Anu brought him to Kolkata; it’s to know about Anu and her whereabouts that led to his instinctive decision. He’d come to know from Nilu and Jerry that Anu left LIC and was psychologically wrecked. When he found himself shut out from her by phone, he rushed to the city.” It won’t be wise to ask about Anu,”he thought and decided to leave.” Well uncle, I’ll be back tomorrow before I leave in the afternoon,” said Arup without a word with Anupama and rose to go out when Sujata followed by Anu entered. It’s like looking at the ghost of Arup who beamed at his former fiancée. Forgetting about the gloom in the room, he asked Anu,”Kemon aachhis?”(How are you?)

“Tui ekhane! (You are here!),” Anu exclaimed in surprise, mixing a tone of annoyance.

“LIC chhere diyechhis shunlam (Heard you’ve left LIC),” Arup enquired.

“Tate tor ki? (What does it matter to you?),” Anu retorted, perturbed.

“Changed SIM? I couldn’t find you by phone,”

“Should I ask you about what I should do?”Anu’s harsh.

“Not that, I’m sorry. Bhalo thakis (Wish you good luck),”said Arup and left hurriedly.

     All the room was relieved; a few drops of tears fell off the eyes of Anu.A tempest within tormented her. It’s a sudden whirlwind which left her shattered again. An unreal reality. She’s reluctant to think over the spilt milk. But the encounter brought forward to her the past which she would like to forget. He’d entertained those who’re out to malign her, and came to see how much she’s wrecked, she thought. He’s a ghost to her and materialized before her as a ‘real’ entity. An eerie silence enveloped the room.Anupama saw red. She felt Anu’s turning into a stone. She came to her, took the daughter into her bosom, kissed and rubbed her face.

“Maa, how did that rag-picker enter the house?”Anu asked.

“Rag-picker! No, there’s none. What do you say?”Anupama asked, confused.

“Maa! I mean that guy who left. He rag-picked Mita, with a child in the womb,” Anu broke in anger.

“What! Mita was carrying on the wedding day? Is it true, or you’re venting your ire?”

“I never malign anybody, you know it, Maa,” Anu asserted.

“That I know, you’re our daughter, and cannot do that,” Anupama tried to assuage Anu, in case she’s hurt.

“Okay, forget, he’s irrelevant. We must have our own way to continue with our family,” Anu’s serious.

“But …I don’t understand, really,”Aupama drawled, peeved and scowling while her husband gazed at the ceiling without a blink, lying on his back.

     The unexpected materialization of Arup changed the mood of the house. A change followed. The anger of Anu gave way to a kind of nostalgia and suppressed cheerfulness. Her parents turned pale again. In the discussion that they had with Sujata and Anu couldn’t be warm and participatory in the gloom and uncertainties.Anu’s participation appeared to be perfunctory, and Sujata couldn’t help bring back the enthusiasm of Anu’s father. They’re sipping coffee and there’re slips between the cup and the lip.Anu, quizzically blurted,”Arup’s a fool” as Sujata spied a smile rose up to her eyes. (to be continued on 19 March 2015)