She Won't Reveal(10)

She Won’t Reveal (10)

             Nidhu Bhusan Das

 Prafullada’s disturbed, don’t know what’s ahead. He’s sensitive, and has one dream- to live in joy and peace. He found the place ideal to pursue his dream. He loves Anu as his younger sister which he’s never told her, instead addresses her as ma’am.The trees, plants, flowers and grass are his friends and companions. He shares and converses with them. This morning he shares with them a gloom, for the first time. He’s been suspicious of the visitors to Anu, but has, so far, thought it wise not to tell her. He believes she’s wise. He saw as a mute spectator how Nilu one day had taken away her diary, gone out and come back, kept it in place before Anu returned home. He knows diary is strictly personal, and it isn’t in good taste and with bona fide intention that one peeps into and goes away with it. On that day Jerry’s in the hotel. “Is it that Nilu’s shared it with Jerry and got it copied for use against Anu?” thought Prafullada.He didn’t tell Anu as he thought she might laugh it out of court. Now he’s convinced he must tell right away; or conspiracy against her may turn really fatal. He cannot let it happen.

How can it be told? He doesn’t volunteer to talk to her on anything other than matters relating to gardening. She also talks about the garden with him. Only last night Prafullada demonstrated his concern to her when she’s visibly disturbed, and cried out ominously. “Maybe, I’m well poised now to share when the incident is fresh in her memory,” he thinks, seriously. He’s at the garden table with his gloomy face propped up with two palms. He isn’t aware in his trance-like-gloom that it’s already 9 a.m.The touch and call of Anu has awakened him.” You look so gloomy, Prafullada, what happened? Didn’t sleep last night?” she asked softly.” I’ve something to tell you, ma’am, if you allow,” he said politely, as is his wont. She at once wore a grim face with eyes thoughtful. “Well Prafullada, let’s talk it over breakfast. Come,” she said, her voice wet.

For the first time Anu’s having breakfast with the gardener.” Please tell, Prafullada,” she urges. The gardener looks around to see if anyone’s around.

“Nilu ma’am took your diary away when Jerry sahib was at the hotel.”

“Is it?” she asked, concerned and said,” You’ve not told me.”

“I thought you wouldn’t believe.”

“Why Prafullada, I trust you.”

“But Nilu ma’am is your friend.”

“So what!”

“Do you know Nilu ma’am is back from Shillong?”

“I don’t. How do you know?”

“I saw yesterday. Mr. Bose saw her off before she drove back home from the hotel. They didn’t see me.”

“Then?”

“I showed up after the see-off.Mr. Bose took me to his room. He looked so happy.”

“Did he tell you about Nilu?”

“No, no…he rather asked me if you knew whether she had returned. I said, ma’am hadn’t been informed.”

“Well said.”

“As he drank the milk with honey, I saw two long hairs on his bed.”

“Forget Prafullada.I’d like Nilu never visits me. You understand I’m so much disturbed. It’s terrible, pernicious.”

“If she comes should I tell her you’ve no time to spend with anybody, and you’re busy with your son?”

“That’ll be good. Would you leave me, Prafullada?” she asked fervently.

“Ne’er sister.”

 For the first time the gardener called her sister, spontaneously.He’d it in mind, but couldn’t express.Anu’s relieved, and said,” You’re my elder brother, I depend on you Dada, please be with me, take care of my son. I cannot think what to do.” But she’s perspiring, tensed. She cupped her hands over the forehead, and stopped eating. Anu understands Nilu but hadn’t the mind to believe she could be so mean to hunt for her diary, read and take it away. She remembers Thammi repeatedly warned during her ordeal and trying times to keep away from educated peers and never to trust people indiscriminately. “Sister, won’t you eat? You’d be late for office,” said Prafullada, concerned. She looked up and began to eat, as if reluctantly.”Dada,I decided I won’t go to office today,” she said.

Meanwhile, the cook Renu arrived and made coffee for Anu.She said,” Make one for Dada also.” She began to sip only when Prafullada was served coffee. When they’re talking, the sound of a car at the gate was heard. Anu hurried to her room. It’s Nilu with her wily smile. She asked, “Where’s ma’am?”

“Oh! Nilu ma’am.When have you returned from Shillong?” asked Prafullada.

“Just last night. How’re you all?”

“You look so fresh,” said Prafullada, meaningfully.

“I’d a nice time there.”

“Mr. Bose was enquiring yesterday if you had returned.”

“Did he come here?”

“No, I went there with milk and honey. He’d cough.”

“I see, ma’am is so concerned about him.”

“She’s concerned about well being of everybody,” Prafullada retorted.

“Where’s she?” she asked and motioned to climb the stairs.

“Ma’am wouldn’t see anybody, busy with her son,” he informed.

Visibly taken aback, Nilu asked,” Is it?” She couldn’t believe it.Anu never failed to welcome her.Prafullada wouldn’t tell her this on his own, he’s not such a man, she thought.” Is it ‘cause I didn’t keep contact with her from Shillong? Or, is it that Amal told her I’d talk with him by telephone from Shillong? Did she see me somewhere here yesterday or come to know I’d visited Amal at the hotel?” Nilu thought quickly but couldn’t have a definite answer.

Now, she began to think if she didn’t continue the relation with Anu, what could be her loss. Unlike Anu, she always thinks in terms of loss and gain, and knows she won’t be a saint. “Jerry thinks I’m his gf, Amal cannot but think we’ve become one soul and spirit. The two are enough, for now, for my career advancement. I’ve them snogged into confidence.Anu’s no longer useful for me. Let her be with her son,” she decided and told Prafullada,”Tell her I came.” She left with a sad smile.

Is Nilu indispensable for Anu? She isn’t. They’ve different experiences in life and ways of thinking. It’s understandable. For Nilu protestation of love’s just a lip service while Anu thinks love’s what enriches life and enlightens soul. She never tells why her way with Arup diverged which led her to take the less traveled path. It’s told 90 precent of her salary income goes to tribal welfare projects she’s taken up in Amlarem region. It means her love’s transcended, and instead of an individual she’s come to love a backward people.Nilu cannot think of such things.Anu can, therefore, not walk shoulder to shoulder with Nilu, it’s obvious to Prafullada.

The breakdown of adolescent love which continued till her mid-twenties led to the glorious breakthroughs of Anu.Love entails pain. When one can translate the passion and pain of love into wisdom and opportunities for growth and development of the self, winning glory of breakthroughs is the reward. Fickle and capricious love of adolescence is bound to fail. When the failure leads to introspection of the sincere and serious lover, he/she can delve deep into the heart and mind and explore his/her inherent potentials. This is what has happened to Anu. She’s become a multi-dimensional person. Had her love been risk-resistant and led to a lasting relationship through a successful marriage, she won’t be able to know herself and be known to the society as a real human being having compassion and spiritual enlightenment. She can now think, feel and decide independently with a wider perspective.Nilu’s different.She doesn’t have the emotion of love. For her, love’s a contrivance only. She’s not for looking inward. Her passion’s to strive for success in the world plagued with the break-neck race for amassing wealth and glitz, not for gaining in wisdom.

If wisdom’s the ultimate wealth, Anu’s really wealthy. (to be continued on 8th May 2014)