She Won't Reveal 42

            She Won’t Reveal (42)

                      Nidhu Bhusan Das

              Arunima Devi’s waiting for Anu to converse with. She welcomed the grand daughter, came forward to take her hand, smiling. It’s difficult to accept that they’re grand mom and grand daughter. Though next 10 October’s her 72^nd birth anniversary, you wouldn’t be able to guess that Arunima’s beyond her mid-fifties. Her face, glow of the skin and 32 teeth covers up her actual age. The two look like peers as the mental torture Anu’s been undergoing has taken away the shine off her and she looks older than she actually is.”Anu, dear, how’re you?” Arunima asked taking her to the bed.

“I’m relieved,thammi,” Anu said, smiling sadly.

“How’s your papa? Has he got back his joy?”

“He’ll be back home tomorrow.”

“To be ill again?”Arunima’s caustic.

“Why, thammi! Do you think he’ll have another attack?”Anu asked anxious as she didn’t mark the tone of the never-to-be-old lady.

“I apprehend, dear.”

“But why, thammi?”

“Because I’m his mother. You cannot understand the pain of a mother when her son’s in agony.”

“I understand now.”

“If so, well and good. What about your guruji? Are you in communication?”

“I don’t know. He isn’t calling since long.”

“Haven’t you called?”

“I’ve been in trouble.”

“Couldn’t he help you be immune from troubles?”

“Then I’d have no troubles.”

“Don’t you remember him, often?”

“These days I cannot.”

“He must be bereft of joy.”

“Thammi, do you think I’m his joy?”

“I understand my son’s a real fool that he thought you should be educated in posh institutes. That’s his big mistake. And you’re in troubles.”

Arunima Devi thought, perhaps she’s right, Anu should be chastised and she needed a strong dose of psychological shock.So, she broke the news:”I was with your guruji till your return to Kolkata, impersonated you and he’s so happy having me at his ashram. Do you understand?”

“Is it, thammi?”

“He loved me and was in joy as Arup’s with you once.”

         Anu turned puzzled, and couldn’t utter a word.” Is it love or lust- the desire to make love?” she’s constrained to wonder. But she couldn’t but believe what Thammi’d said. She believed guruji, she believed Anuradha, she believed Nilu, and every time she found her belief misplaced. She understood thammi is perturbed and meant to tell her no more to be indiscriminate.”Thammi, I’ll live with you,” she promised.

“But that won’t make you happy. I love you and I love more my son and daughter-in-law. I cannot leave them, though I’ll feel pain if I lose you,” said thammi, candid.

“I love you and my parents,” Anu said, honest.

“No, you don’t love your parents. That’s why my son fell ill,”thammi’s visibly angry.

“Believe me, I swear,” said Anu clasping the hands of thammi.

“Anu, it’s difficult to rely on you. Not that you’re dishonest, but you’re definitely the victim of indecision,”thammi explained.

“But you’re with me.”

“And you’ll leave me any time once you’re beckoned by illusion.”

“I won’t and I shouldn’t.”

“You would stay with your parents?”

“If you stay with them.”

“It means you’re attached to me, not to them which you should have been.”

“Thammi, please don’t misunderstand me any more.”

“I don’t misunderstand you, dear, I understand you. That’s why I’ve doubts.”

“If I get your constant guidance, I won’t deviate.”

“What about your cyber-friend Anuradha who even poisoned your mind against Angshu?”

“She’s with Maqbool, his wife now, out to malign me.”

“Now see, what a fool you are. You thought she’s your angel, didn’t you?”

“I did. I understand it’s wrong.”

“How’re Sujata and her son? Do you really think they’re friends and well-wishers?”

“They’ve rescued me or I would have been blackmailed by Anuradha and Maqbool.”

               There’re people who create difficulties but cannot on their own tide over. Once they’re rescued by others, they don’t learn from experience, and repeat the mistake.Anu could never have overcome her difficulties by herself. She’s been fortunate to have people around to help her out.Thammi helped her get back emotional stability during and after her break-up with Arup but committed the graver mistake deserting her parents thinking unwittingly she’d been the victim of parental neglect. Once alone, she again began to live in fiction and made friends indiscriminately to her perils.True, she’d been in communion with thammi but didn’t heed to her suggestions. The wise lady never advises, only suggests. Her son and daughter-in-law religiously follow her suggestions which Anu can easily ignore. Yet Arunima Devi’s always with her to protect the grand daughter. This time she and Sujata along with her wise son Prof Sanyal helped her come out of two perils.Anu admitted she understood she’s wrong but how long this realization’ll last is the pertinent question in the mind of thammi.Sujata too isn’t sure. Anu understands her well-wishers’re in doubt and she isn’t sure that she’s learnt a lesson through the ordeal.

              Anu began to introspect:” Yes, I’m fickle minded. I haven’t been able to take right decisions. I ain’t still sure who’s responsible for the breakup between Arup and me. True. my mom and papa are busy professionals, and papa’s a philanthropist. People like him, the beneficiaries look upon him as their saviour.I know I’ve blood cancer. They didn’t interfere with my thinking and decisions. Was it because of my fatal disease that I didn’t go for medical education? I ain’t sure.Yes, I told my parents and close friends it’s the cause. But this isn’t the whole truth. I linked my future with that of Arup who’d the dream to be a doctor but didn’t qualify. Subsequently he went to the USA to study medicine, and he arranged this without my knowledge. That’s the immediate cause of the split. Yet I think he’s my well wisher. Is it true, or just my weakness? I can misunderstand friends and benefactors easily and often failed to read the mind of those I befriended who turned enemies.”

           “Anu, I understand you’re tired. Let’s sleep. Would you be comfortable with me or go to your room?” thammi suggested.

“Thammi, I regret my lapses. I understand I’m the cause of my undoing. I should have acted according to your suggestions. I’m the cause of the agony of my parents. Please guide me. I earned the consternation of you which I deserve and which’s my greatest loss,” Anu repented.

“I cannot be angry with you, dear.I’m just concerned about your future. I don’t know what’s in store for my son and daughter who’ve lost hope and ceased to dream. They’re dead before their death, and I’m to see their plight and agony. I’m a poor mother unable to help my innocent son whom I brought to this earth and brought up with care and all affection.God, help me, have mercy and condone my sins, help my son and innocent daughter-in-law be in joy the rest of their life. They’re helpless,”Arunima Devi began to weep.

“I’ll sleep with you, thammi like in the past,”Anu whispered and helped thammi to lie down.(To be continued on 5 March 2015)

She Won't Reveal 41

            She Won’t Reveal (41)

                      Nidhu Bhusan Das

              The doctor decided Dr Arindam’d go home next morning.Anupama’s informed as soon as she entered the cabin in the evening. Anu’s so happy. The smile of the daughter lit the face of the father, and Anupama and Sujata shared the joy.”Son, I’ll cook for you. You don’t know of my culinary art.Sujata’s all praise for the delicious food I cook, don’t you, dear?” Anu said, confident.”Uncle, how do you feel that Anu’s with you?” Sujata asked rejuvenated Dr. Anirban.”Well, I can’t be happier,” he said with smile in his eyes.”Ain’t I right Anupama?” he added. None other than Anupama and her mom-in-law knew how much joy he must have at the return of the daughter.”Son, I won’t let you drive any more,”Anu cautioned her papa and said” You must take food, medicine and rest punctually. Don’t be naughty any more. I’m there to govern you. I’m a strict mom, not like Thammi, indulgent” A great moment indeed for the family.

              Anu planted a kiss on the forehead of her papa and they emerged out after the visiting hours. On the way back home, Anu didn’t look at the lit street of Kolkata.Her eyes were downcast in the car during the journey. To her, mega cities like Kolkata and Delhi wear cosmetic glory and in the glare, the deluded millennials cannot have a heart-to-heart interaction and relation. The down-to-earth life in the Assam Himalaya’s wonderful, because civilization couldn’t have invaded the savage hamlets; the natural rhythm of the waterfalls, the chirpings of birds and buzz of insects are more regaling than the metallic sounds of orchestra in the cities and the ‘Hi! Hello!’ of gfs and bfs isn’t the articulation of feeling poured out of the heart but the expedient thought manufactured in the mind.” But I’ve the ageing parents, I’m helpless…,” she thought. The mother and the soul mate wouldn’t rouse her from the reverie.” Memories of the happy days with Arup are the fountain of my tears. And Arup hosted a dinner to those who maligned me! I ain’t jealous, jealousy’s foreign to me, and my name fits in with my nature. Thanks to Thammi who christened me.Arup doesn’t attract me, but the sweet memories sadden me and I repent,” She analyzed.

          Back home they planned the ‘Welcome back home’ of Dr. Arindam.Anu drew up the plan and placed it for the consideration of her mother and Sujata.The plan itself suggested the intensity of feeling of Anu for her papa. He’d be received at the gate with the blowing of conch and a bouquet of red roses. She’d wear a sari and touch his feet prostrate for the first time. Then she’d lead him into his room which’s already given a new look through rearrangements of the furniture.Anupama’s so happy understanding the profound feeling of the daughter. They enjoyed the simple dinner ,being relaxed and would go to bed soon to get up early in the morning for preparation to receive Arindam.But Anu’d a different plan. She’d spend the night with Thammi in her room.Anupama’s phone rang.Yes, it’s Prafulla calling.” Hello! How’re you Prafulla?”she asked.” We’re fine, auntie.what about uncle and Anu? We’re anxious.Anu’s Guruji came this morning. We didn’t let him in. The gate’s kept locked. And I said Anu’s busy with her Thammi.”

“You’ve done the right thing,” assured Anupama.

“And…”

“We’re fine. Your uncle comes back home tomorrow morning.”

“Very nice. We’re relaxed. Are in prayer for you all.”

“You’re our family member. We’ll meet soon. Rest assured. You’re my son and Angshu grandson.”

“Please keep us updated, auntie. We feel the absence of Anu, acutely.”

“Sure.”

The reported visit of Guruji’s a matter of concern for Anupama. She’s

scared of tantric practice prevalent in the north-east. She knew Anu’s inclined to tantra sadhana.Prehaps that’s a cause that Anu opted for the north-east, she thought. She couldn’t like it but didn’t question it because she wouldn’t like to interfere to the chagrin of the daughter who liked being independent.

Anu said she’d spend the night in the room of thammi.Anupama encouraged it as she knew her mom-in-law had an overwhelming influence on her daughter and recalled the grand old lady whispered to her the other night. Besides, this would give her an opportunity to talk with Sujata exclusively to understand the present state of mind and attitude of Anu, her latest trials and tribulations.

Anu went into that room and closed the door.Anupama beckoned Sujata to her room. “Sujata, dear, do you know who’s guruji? she asked, anxious.

“Auntie, he’s the guide of Anu’s tantra sadhana.”

“Do you think it’s good for her?”

“If it’s good why troubles dogged her, auntie?”

“Prafulla told me he came to the bungalow to meet Anu.”

“Is it? Auntie, don’t tell Anu of the visit. She may change her mind. Where’s her handset?”

“It’s here. May he make a call?”

“Not unlikely. I’ll persuade her to change the SIM so that trouble makers wouldn’t be able to disturb her.”

“Who’re the trouble makers?”

“Some of her erstwhile friends. She made friends indiscriminately, and they maligned her a lot.”

“Do it then tomorrow, positively,”Anupama said, her lips and voice trembling.

“Don’t worry, auntie, I’ll do that. She believes me.”

“Sujata, can you tell me about the telephone call that visibly perturbed Anu?”

“Which one, auntie?”

“She said ‘don’t disturb me’. That one.”

“Ain’t sure, maybe it’s from Anuradha.”

“Who’s Anuradha?”

“Her online friend-turned-adversary.”

“Please save her from such people. She’s an emotional fool.”

“Auntie, that phase’s going to be over. She understands now.”

“I hope her thammi’d help tonight. Let’s see,”Anupama said, her eyes shedding tears.

“Auntie, let’s sleep together now. We’re to rise early,” said Sujata and took her to bed.

A new fear of loss gripped Anupama. She lost any hope that her daughter would return to them. They rather came to believe Anu’s embroiled in a web of problems which she’s fighting alone to come out of. She didn’t know that two messiahs in Sujata and Prof Sanyal were there to help her out of it. The illness of the father’s the proximate cause, and the two benevolent souls accelerated the process of her return.

            Anu didn’t leave her parents to have a family of her own. Her parents never interfered with her love affairs and personal decisions. In this she’s unlike Anuradha who eloped to marry Maqbool without the knowledge of her parents. She’s unlike Nilu who didn’t mind flouting the conventional morality. Yet they could be her friends who maligned her and precipitated her crisis at Amlarem.”This’s enough to justify the suggestion that she’s an emotional fool,” thought Sujata.”Has she learnt from experience?” Sujata would like to understand.” May be. She said ‘Don’t disturb me’ obviously when called by Anuradha.This’s, of course, a positive development,” Sujata tried to be convinced.

           Anupama thought her husband’d the quick recovery because of the return of the daughter. He’s so delighted getting back Anu.He wouldn’t be able to bear the shock if she left again. It would be fatal for him. The man who’s the red heart and cannot verbalize his love has such an intensity of feeling that his heart bleeds when the loved one leaves him, whatsoever be the reason. She couldn’t sleep but was in prayer all the night for good sense to prevail on Anu.The night’s more terrible than any other for her. ( continued on 26 February 2015)

She Won't Reveal 40

        She Won’t Reveal (40)

                 Nidhu Bhusan Das

             Anu’s released.Dr. Arindam’d be under observation till the next day. The visiting hours over, Dr. Anupama along with Sujata and Anu left for home.”Uff, how terrible!” Anu exclaimed as the car got stuck in a traffic jam.”Amlarem-Jowai road isn’t like this,” she remembered. “Sujata, do you like Kolkata or Amlarem?” she asked.Sujata apprehended the memory of the left-behind-relations might have revisited Anu.She appeared to be diffident again. Sujata replied,”Kolkata’s unique, and I like it more than any other city in India. Could you get such medical facilities at Amlarem or Jowai like in Kolkata?”Rebuffed, Anu kept silent. After a few minutes, Anupama began to talk about the terrible times they’d undergone following mishaps in the family. She recalled the loneliness and pains they had the couple of years.” I cannot dislike Kolkata. Where else can I go? I cannot leave the family I’m a part of. I’m proud of my family, mom-in-law, my husband and daughter, so nice a family,” she murmured. She wouldn’t like to hurt her return-of-the-native-daughter, and so included her in the list of favourite family members though she couldn’t forget how the split of Anu from the family caused their angst and anguish leading to the hospitalization of her husband.

          What if Anu couldn’t change her mind and return? They’d resigned to their fate. She visited Anu a couple of times, stayed with her for days together but never told the daughter to return. She didn’t tell the daughter how her papa had been suffering under the weight of anguish after she’d left. They wouldn’t like to win the pity of the estranged daughter. Her visits were out of love and affection for the daughter, not to elicit filial pity. But Anu couldn’t respond to the overture of the mother. True, this time she tried to share with Anu the information regarding the illness of her papa because she felt the daughter had the right to know about it. Now they’re really happy that Anu understood and her filial pity welled up. She wasn’t sure how long the pity would last. They’re ready for any eventuality.

          None of the three would discuss family matters in the presence of the chauffeur to protect the privacy. Or, Anu’d be involved in an emotional interaction with her mother.

“Maa, are you still angry with me?” she would say, mortified.

“Why should we, dear. We’re happy you’re back to us,” the mother would reply.

“Could you have forgiven my cruelty?”

“Have we ever said you’re cruel?”

“But I’ve been cruel.”

“That’s your feeling, Anu. We never thought that way,” Dr. Anupama would tell a white lie.

“Auntie, I’d go visit my parents today,” said Sujata to wipe out the diffidence, if any, of Anu.

“Not today, dear,”Anupama entreated.

“But …”

“Don’t be naughty. Let your uncle come home. Ring up your mom, I’ll talk to her.”

“Okay, let’s go home. Anu must be hungry for the home and her beautiful room. Aren’t you, dear?”

“How’s my room, maa? It must look abandoned.”

“Why Anu? We clean it everyday and keep it tidy.”

“Is it? You’re so loving.”

 “Your papa’s very particular about it.”

“Papa papa pity take, I’ll never sadden you again,” Anu versified with emotion gushing out.

             It took two hours for them to reach home because of the jam, one hour and a half more than the usual time. As she disembarked, her telephone rang. An unknown Delhi number. Anu took the phone and spoke into it “Hello!”

“Ma’am we’re in the flat of Arupda. How’re you?”

“Don’t disturb me, please,” Anu snarled.

“Ma’am, Arupda and Mita Ma’am are loving.”

Anu remained silent.

“We’re all in the flat- Maqbool, Jerry sir, Nilu ma’am.We’re invited for lunch,” continued Anuradha. Anu couldn’t but hear like one enchanted.

“Mita ma’am tells me how much Arupda loves her. Their son Ankush’s here on vacation.Mita ma’am has told you’re quite fond of Ankush. Would you talk to Ankush?” Anuradha teased.Anu’s face turned red and her speech organs paralysed.Sujata marked the change following the call which Anu attended almost silently. Her silence and facial change’s intriguing, thought Sujata.She didn’t say anything, waited to see if Anu’d break who called and what she heard. She said like a sleuth interrogating someone,” Are Angshu and Prafullada well? They must feel desolate in your absence, dear. Why didn’t give me the phone? I could talk to them.” Anu didn’t reply.Sujata smelt a rat. She didn’t proceed with the topic. They went upstairs and waddled into the drawing room.Anupama took them into the room of Anu.”See, how’s your room. Is there any change? Do you feel it’s left neglected?” she asked Anu who couldn’t utter a single word in response. She remembered it’s the room where she shut herself after attending the wedding ceremony of Arup and Mita in that fateful night. It’s the room where she planned to end her life. Only the timely intervention of Thammi saved the situation.” See the picture hung on the wall. This captures the moment you played the guitar in the Annual Fest at St.Xaviers’.Your papa hung it. Everyday in the morning and before going to bed at night he stands in front of the picture and broods over it for some time,” poured out Anupama.Now she led them to the next room on the wall of which was hung a large picture of Anu being fondled by thammi.A life size picture of Arunima Chatterjee adorns the room. It’s the custom of Arindam and Anupama to garland the picture every morning before breakfast, burn incense and paint the forehead of the mother-of-the-house-in-picture with sandal-paste applied with finger-tip.Anu saw everything in silence without showing any enthusiasm to the astonishment of her mother.”Well, let’s go have our bath. It’s time for lunch,” Anupama said, puzzled and went to her room.

           The chef’s asked to cook chicken curry, ilish, mung dal and pineapple chutney, keeping in mind what’s Anu’s favourite dish.Anupama went for bath. She didn’t take much time and wore the dress for lunch. The two girls were still in the bathrooms.Meanwhile, the cook put the dish and plates on the table. The girls took time to be at the table.Anupama said she’d feed her little Anu who was eager. She gave the first morsels to both the girls and took hers afterward.” How’s the chicken?” she asked.

“It’s fantastic, maa” Anu said, smiling.

“The lunch is prepared considering your taste.”

“I understand maa.”

“After a long time we’re together at this table,”Anupama remarked.

“Yes, maa.I’m so happy.”

“Auntie, Anu loves you and uncle so much,” broke in Sujata.

“That we feel, dear,” said the mother.

“Anu, how do you like Shakuntala?” Sujata asked to understand her mind following the phone call she received.

“Shakuntala’s so sad. I don’t like to be like her any more, fed up with sadness all these years,” Anu admitted.

“And Dusmanta?” Sujata enquired.

“He isn’t like my papa, dutiful, understanding and sensitive,” Anu’s unequivocal.

“Have you a Priyambada as friend,” Sujata wanted to know.

“Yes, it’s you, none else,” Anu’s candid.

“Anuradha?”Sujata’s specific.

“Forget and forgive them, Sujata. They made my life a hell. Am now out of it.”

“The last call’s from Delhi, wasn’t it?” Sujata’s eager.

“Yes, and it’s all rubbish. I misplaced my trust on the girl and the people she’s associated with now. I repent.”

          The dinner proceeded and as Anu looked back she tried to recall how the people ganged up against her in Delhi. Yet she still believed Arup’s innocent.” You see Arup’s being misled,” she said.Anupama became anxious and couldn’t be sure how long her daughter would continue to be deluded.(to be continued on 19 February 2015)