She Won't Reveal 42

            She Won’t Reveal (42)

                      Nidhu Bhusan Das

              Arunima Devi’s waiting for Anu to converse with. She welcomed the grand daughter, came forward to take her hand, smiling. It’s difficult to accept that they’re grand mom and grand daughter. Though next 10 October’s her 72^nd birth anniversary, you wouldn’t be able to guess that Arunima’s beyond her mid-fifties. Her face, glow of the skin and 32 teeth covers up her actual age. The two look like peers as the mental torture Anu’s been undergoing has taken away the shine off her and she looks older than she actually is.”Anu, dear, how’re you?” Arunima asked taking her to the bed.

“I’m relieved,thammi,” Anu said, smiling sadly.

“How’s your papa? Has he got back his joy?”

“He’ll be back home tomorrow.”

“To be ill again?”Arunima’s caustic.

“Why, thammi! Do you think he’ll have another attack?”Anu asked anxious as she didn’t mark the tone of the never-to-be-old lady.

“I apprehend, dear.”

“But why, thammi?”

“Because I’m his mother. You cannot understand the pain of a mother when her son’s in agony.”

“I understand now.”

“If so, well and good. What about your guruji? Are you in communication?”

“I don’t know. He isn’t calling since long.”

“Haven’t you called?”

“I’ve been in trouble.”

“Couldn’t he help you be immune from troubles?”

“Then I’d have no troubles.”

“Don’t you remember him, often?”

“These days I cannot.”

“He must be bereft of joy.”

“Thammi, do you think I’m his joy?”

“I understand my son’s a real fool that he thought you should be educated in posh institutes. That’s his big mistake. And you’re in troubles.”

Arunima Devi thought, perhaps she’s right, Anu should be chastised and she needed a strong dose of psychological shock.So, she broke the news:”I was with your guruji till your return to Kolkata, impersonated you and he’s so happy having me at his ashram. Do you understand?”

“Is it, thammi?”

“He loved me and was in joy as Arup’s with you once.”

         Anu turned puzzled, and couldn’t utter a word.” Is it love or lust- the desire to make love?” she’s constrained to wonder. But she couldn’t but believe what Thammi’d said. She believed guruji, she believed Anuradha, she believed Nilu, and every time she found her belief misplaced. She understood thammi is perturbed and meant to tell her no more to be indiscriminate.”Thammi, I’ll live with you,” she promised.

“But that won’t make you happy. I love you and I love more my son and daughter-in-law. I cannot leave them, though I’ll feel pain if I lose you,” said thammi, candid.

“I love you and my parents,” Anu said, honest.

“No, you don’t love your parents. That’s why my son fell ill,”thammi’s visibly angry.

“Believe me, I swear,” said Anu clasping the hands of thammi.

“Anu, it’s difficult to rely on you. Not that you’re dishonest, but you’re definitely the victim of indecision,”thammi explained.

“But you’re with me.”

“And you’ll leave me any time once you’re beckoned by illusion.”

“I won’t and I shouldn’t.”

“You would stay with your parents?”

“If you stay with them.”

“It means you’re attached to me, not to them which you should have been.”

“Thammi, please don’t misunderstand me any more.”

“I don’t misunderstand you, dear, I understand you. That’s why I’ve doubts.”

“If I get your constant guidance, I won’t deviate.”

“What about your cyber-friend Anuradha who even poisoned your mind against Angshu?”

“She’s with Maqbool, his wife now, out to malign me.”

“Now see, what a fool you are. You thought she’s your angel, didn’t you?”

“I did. I understand it’s wrong.”

“How’re Sujata and her son? Do you really think they’re friends and well-wishers?”

“They’ve rescued me or I would have been blackmailed by Anuradha and Maqbool.”

               There’re people who create difficulties but cannot on their own tide over. Once they’re rescued by others, they don’t learn from experience, and repeat the mistake.Anu could never have overcome her difficulties by herself. She’s been fortunate to have people around to help her out.Thammi helped her get back emotional stability during and after her break-up with Arup but committed the graver mistake deserting her parents thinking unwittingly she’d been the victim of parental neglect. Once alone, she again began to live in fiction and made friends indiscriminately to her perils.True, she’d been in communion with thammi but didn’t heed to her suggestions. The wise lady never advises, only suggests. Her son and daughter-in-law religiously follow her suggestions which Anu can easily ignore. Yet Arunima Devi’s always with her to protect the grand daughter. This time she and Sujata along with her wise son Prof Sanyal helped her come out of two perils.Anu admitted she understood she’s wrong but how long this realization’ll last is the pertinent question in the mind of thammi.Sujata too isn’t sure. Anu understands her well-wishers’re in doubt and she isn’t sure that she’s learnt a lesson through the ordeal.

              Anu began to introspect:” Yes, I’m fickle minded. I haven’t been able to take right decisions. I ain’t still sure who’s responsible for the breakup between Arup and me. True. my mom and papa are busy professionals, and papa’s a philanthropist. People like him, the beneficiaries look upon him as their saviour.I know I’ve blood cancer. They didn’t interfere with my thinking and decisions. Was it because of my fatal disease that I didn’t go for medical education? I ain’t sure.Yes, I told my parents and close friends it’s the cause. But this isn’t the whole truth. I linked my future with that of Arup who’d the dream to be a doctor but didn’t qualify. Subsequently he went to the USA to study medicine, and he arranged this without my knowledge. That’s the immediate cause of the split. Yet I think he’s my well wisher. Is it true, or just my weakness? I can misunderstand friends and benefactors easily and often failed to read the mind of those I befriended who turned enemies.”

           “Anu, I understand you’re tired. Let’s sleep. Would you be comfortable with me or go to your room?” thammi suggested.

“Thammi, I regret my lapses. I understand I’m the cause of my undoing. I should have acted according to your suggestions. I’m the cause of the agony of my parents. Please guide me. I earned the consternation of you which I deserve and which’s my greatest loss,” Anu repented.

“I cannot be angry with you, dear.I’m just concerned about your future. I don’t know what’s in store for my son and daughter who’ve lost hope and ceased to dream. They’re dead before their death, and I’m to see their plight and agony. I’m a poor mother unable to help my innocent son whom I brought to this earth and brought up with care and all affection.God, help me, have mercy and condone my sins, help my son and innocent daughter-in-law be in joy the rest of their life. They’re helpless,”Arunima Devi began to weep.

“I’ll sleep with you, thammi like in the past,”Anu whispered and helped thammi to lie down.(To be continued on 5 March 2015)