She Won't Reveal( 6)

She Won’t Reveal (6) 

Nidhu Bhusan Das

Premonition and foreboding haunts Anu. This leads her to be a cynic and pessimist. While talking to me today, she reproduced the conversation Sujata had with her son sometime back .This bears out how Anu shares the feeling and thought of Sujata who is obviously her externalized mind.

It’s a poignant situation, in the drawing room of Professor Swapan Sanyal.Sujata is face to face with her son. This week their communication has disrupted for four days for reasons beyond their control. Sujata didn’t find her son on telephone several times and dashed him an emotional note which reads:

“Dear son,

I understand you don’t find it useful to interact with me. I have telephoned you again and again but you have been silent. You may have done the right thing. I’m not the right person for a scholar like you to interact with since I’m not an academic. I’ve decided I shan’t talk to you to disturb you any more.

Sujata”

Receiving the letter, Prof Sanyal rushed to her flat and found it locked even when it’s lunch time on Sunday. Frustrated, he scribbled a note for Sujata thus:

“Dear MAA,

I’m not sure, maybe this is my last message for you. It’s unfortunate you have decided unilaterally to snap relation with me, hasn’t tried to understand why you didn’t get response to your call. My telephone is dead more than a week. If you had heard it ringing, it’s definitely false ring.  You may ask why I haven’t taken the initiative. I’ve been suffering from viral fever since Thursday. You’re in my mind always but I’m helpless. I also may have the egotistical feeling,” Why my MAA doesn’t visit me when I’m unavailable by phone?” Well, since you have decided not to interact with me, I tend to respect your decision, and I’ll henceforth not disturb you.

Bye for ever.

Your would-be-forgotten

Son”

P.S. I’ll ever remember you as my MAA.

Prof Sanyal walked straight back to his flat.Feeble and tired, he lay on the bed with eyes surveying vacantly the white ceiling. Eventually the spirit of his departed mother was felt to be hovering over him. He felt like being in a séance with his mother. He had a conversation with his mother.” Why are you so put out, son?” asked the mother, benignly.

“You know, Maa what has gone wrong.”

“Yes. It’s an emotional decision hastily taken.Sujata is young and sincere. So, she was hurt when she didn’t get response to her calls. It’s natural, you know, son. She won’t leave you.”

“Are you sure, Maa?”

“Yes. She is lonely like you. The relation with you has given her a new meaning in life. Do you know what has happened to her?”

“She hasn’t told me.”

“Her love has gone unrequited. They had the plan to migrate to the USA, go for a course in film studies and then get married.”

“Then?’

“Her classmate-lover dropped midway through the course at JNU and left for the USA to study medicine.”

“Is it? Quite disappointing, isn’t it, MAA?”

“Of course. But he’s a good boy, honest and hearty. He’d always keep contact with her.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“She couldn’t accept the fact that he reneged on the commitment they would go to the US together and tie the knot there. Back home, he requested her hand but she declined.”

“She’d remain alone?”

“That’s her decision. She’d never marry.”

“I’m sorry, Maa. I shouldn’t react so rashly. Should I rush to her now?”

“She’s coming to you. She’ll tell you everything.”

“She’s quite stoical.”

“She attempted self-elimination twice, but optimism pulled her back. Now she’d live for you.

 Three hours glided by, in peace, tranquility and ecstasy. This stance got broken following a repeated knock on the door. Reluctantly he staggered to the door and opened it. Stunned, he saw Sujata standing eagerly to meet him.

Sujata was away from home having brunch for shopping. She does weekly shopping on Sundays. Back home, she found the scribbled note attached to the lock. She opened the door, went inside, put down the bags hurriedly and perused the note. She couldn’t wait a minute, immediately ran downstairs and onto the road. She got down a rickshaw and told the puller to go to Skylark Apartments, near the central bus terminus.

Now, Prof. Sanyal and his earthly mother are face-to-face.” You may leave me if you wish. I know, this was inevitable. Who am I to you? None remains with me. God has not given me anything but a void. I’d ask God after I die why He brings for me sweet dreams which are elusive,” opened Sujata, overwhelmed with sadness, tears rolling town her cheeks.

“I never thought of leaving you, MAA,” assured Prof Sanyal.

“But why have you told you won’t talk to me and disturb me? Have I ever said you disturb me?” Sujata interrogated, cheeks drenched.

“You’ve decided, MAA,”the professor defends himself.

“Even then you can’t say this, son,” Sujata reasoned emotionally.

“You said you won’t talk to me,” Prof Sanyal reminded her.

“I also said, earlier, I’d live for you, didn’t I?” she emphasized.

“That’s true. But why did you say you disturb me talking. Is it expected of a mother?

“Yes, and I can say this because I’m the mother.”

“You don’t think of my feeling.”

“Okay, son, I’ve no desire to live.”

“Why MAA?”

“I cannot read human mind, understand people.”

“So what?”

“Not even yours, my son.”

“I’m your son, that you understand, MAA!”

“I’m not sure, son. None remains with me.”

“I’ll be with you always, MAA.But why do you say so? Do you feel let down, somehow?”

“You’ve been told, son during the séance with your departed Maa.”

“How do you know?”

That’s the point, my son.” And she proceeds,” Human psyche is incomprehensible, son. Are you sure you’d not leave me?”

“I can’t leave you, MAA.”

“But someone left me midway through an affair, forgetting a commitment.”

“Who?’

“We vowed to marry going together to the USA.”

“It’s a marriage vow, almost.”

“You may say so.”

What went awry?”

“He went alone.”

“Is it?”

“But he was honest. He’d to yield to the wishes of his scientist father. He always communicated with me as usual.”

Then what’s the problem?”

“Somehow his commitment failed.I, therefore, told him,’ let’s stop here. This far, no farther.’ He agreed, reluctantly. He knew I won’t go to him. We’re friends since childhood.”

Prof. Sanyal knows all wishes ain’t fulfilled, all dreams don’t come true. Human mind’s unpredictable.Sujata agrees. Emotional relations need be renewed every moment. Any disharmony at any point may change the architecture of the relation, as happened in the case of Sujata.In his case the dream couldn’t materialize as the external agency came in the way. Prof. Sanyal asked Sujata, as we often do when in doubt on fundamental issues,” Do you think, MAA God is there to fulfil our good desires?

“May be He does.”

“Then why did He fail me? Why was the car crash that jeopardized my future?”

“He might have let it happen for your good.”

“I don’t understand. It appears He’s malevolent.”

“We can’t say so. Think how little do we know about Him and His scheme of things.”

Prof. Sanyal agrees. We ordinary people can’t interact with Him. We may perceive Him in enlightened moments which are ephemeral. But what’s true in the experience of the professor is his regular interaction with his departed mother. He values the relation with Sujata because his mother from above approves of and encourages it. Sujata might have found that Prof. Sanyal is emotionally honest who won’t be influenced by anybody in extraneous consideration to leave her. Yet she’s aware human mind is a great mystery, greater than the vast universe.

“Mr. Bose, how do you like the tale?” asked Anu smiling.

“It’s interesting.”

I find it really difficult to choose between fact and fiction. Does Anu live in a world of fiction, ignoring fact? Has she created an ideal world to live in? I’m puzzled. What I understand is that she isn’t happy with what she has experienced in real life. The Guernica is based on the brutality of the Spanish Civil War, the Last Supper presents a theological belief and Mona Lisa is a mystery created out of a real model. Theological belief is also a reality in the life of believers.Anu, therefore, may have created, if any, a world of fiction which is rooted in reality. (  continued on 13th March 2014 )