I'm A Liar

                               I’m A Liar

                                              Nidhu Bhusan Das

         I’m a liar, am I, really? This doubt haunts me, often and anon. Monists would say, if not a liar, at least I’m a stupid. They believe statements have literal meanings, and we need not have doubt about it. I would have been happy had I been able to go by such a belief. My personal experience is different. I cannot take it for granted that words reveal the mind, sound may, sometimes, when it’s exclamation. Let me explain.

        Once my buddy Dulu, now in Maryland, USA in a chat message told me ,midway through the conversation,”Well,Nidhu, I’ll return in a minute” and  left. After two days she sent me a mail which reads: “Nidhu, dear, never mind. My daughter Roxana is back from New York in vacation. She arrived when we’re in conversation. You know she’s so naughty, and won’t allow me to share time with anyone else.  So, I couldn’t return, as promised. Would you mind, dear?” Could I, especially when we’re childhood pals and classmates till university days? I replied,” No, dear, I couldn’t mind. Your silence has been golden. Now, when you have told me of Roxana mom, can I but be gay? I could understand you had become damn busy with something important. Dulu protested against my statement, “Your silence was golden” and said vehemently that I was ironical and critical of her going away promising to return in no time.

       Dulu, as I know, and I’m, perhaps, the right person to talk on her mental process, is mercurial. She would often pick quarrel with me over trifles, scold me for minutes together, and then cry throwing books at me. We had many intimate minutes as well, planning future shared life. We quarreled and next minute caressed each other. Friends would hurl oblique remarks, and we would not mind.

       She has been equivocal- what she says yields meanings enough to hide her intention, and smiles when I fail to comprehend what she actually means. Even when I guess the meaning correctly, she misleads me saying ‘No. I have not intended this. What I mean is………’ Really, it’s difficult, I should say impossible, to win against her, she is so naughty. I’m not at all ironical when I say silence is golden, but I must not contradict her because she will, in that case, stop talking to me, which I cannot bear. I don’t lie, yet when it comes to my relation with Dulu, accept I’m a liar, and it’s for peace and to be together even when we’re apart.