She Won't Reveal 33

                          She Won’t Reveal (33)

                     Nidhu Bhusan Das

Everyone in the room heard the telephone conversation with ears cocked. They’re eager to know what had transpired. The worry, writ large in the face of Sujata, didn’t escape the eyes. They’re curious.Sujata waspishly said,”Maqbool’s in Amlarem.That girl, his gf, telephoned.” Anu’s face turned pale, and she couldn’t utter a word.” We’ll see to it, nothing to worry,” Sujata put on a brave face and took the hand of Anu saying,” let’s have dinner.” They went to the dining room downstairs. Everyone’s relieved as they relied on the assurance of Sujata believing she’d the capacity to tackle the situation.

The dining table’s lined with dishes.Prof. Sanyal led the show reciting a self-composed poem to the delight of all:

This is the Day we are here to celebrate

This is the Day we are together

To see you brighter, and to pray

You may blow out at least

Candles a hundred

May your joy be more and more

As you with years grow

And the dreams come true.

                 The food’s excellent. An elaborate menu: saffron flavoured buttered rice, pineaaple hilsa, mung dal, naan, chicken reshmi kebab, potato salad, pickled onions and mango ice-cream. Everyone enjoyed the sumptuous meal. The feast over, they went upstairs and huddled into the room where Sujata’s lodged. Professor Sanyal asked Prafullada and Angshu to go downstairs to their rooms. Now the three were involved in finding out a way out of the impending trouble. The next day was Nilu’s wedding.Maqbool must have come to create problem.Disturbed, Anu said she’d like to leave for Guwahati with them. Professor Sanyal thought a couple of minutes and said,” It wouldn’t be wise. Better we face the situation. I’ll meet Maqbool if he comes. We cannot allow blackmail.” Anu felt assured but said,” I must leave the place. It doesn’t suit me. I feel quite lonely, always.”  The professor said,” Let the tomorrow come. We’ll decide. It’s time to go to bed and have a sound sleep, Beti.Go and sleep well.” He went downstairs and straight to the room where Angshu’s awaiting him.                   Changing into the night gown he straightened on the bed and pulled the quilt over. The words of Anu “I feel quite lonely” rang in his ear and he lapsed into a deep thought:”Anu must have been on the threshold of positive feeling. If loneliness is an unwilling solitude, she’s willing to come out of it. She might feel enough is enough.”

“Is it monophobia i.e., the feeling of being alone?” he thought.

“No, rather, it’s possible, she feels being isolated from well wishers. This could be the phase of possibilities for her psychological rehabilitation, reunion back home with parents. Maybe, it’s the phase of her possible resurrection,” he analyzed.

“Could it be called resurrection? I ain’t sure. If it’s resurrection, where’s the way out for her? Reunion’s the better term, mabe.But is it the appropriate term, at all? Or, is it the resurrection of her childhood innocence? Yes, resurrection’s the appropriate term in this sense,” concluded the professor rounding up the debate and dilemma.

“After three years of mental struggle, experiments with different kinds of friendship and dabbling with sadhana she might feel empty and hollow within. She wants to restore the standard relationship. She’s in fear. She calls me papa. It means she needs a papa. It’s definitely her first step towards going back to her papa, and her mom,” he noted.

                    Anu’s in the warmth and security of Sujata under the quilt. Tonight they’re more intimate than ever before. Crisis brings people closer than sunny days and engenders profound feeling, brings about poignant moments and cathartic understanding. Such an understanding’s often marked by a serene silence. While Sujata’s occupied with the possible developments of the day ahead, Anu’s in interaction with Thammi who joined her after the Guruji’d gone into sleep in his ashram. Thammi advised her to rely on the professor and let him face Maqbool who’d come to the bungalow by 10 the next morning. She advised Anu against interacting with the Kashmiri boy. She also told Anu not to communicate with Anuradha. Anu felt, to be cut-off from Auradha’s so painful. “Yet I won’t go against the advice of Thammi and my god-given papa,”Anu resolved. She’d like to have a new life relying on the wisdom of the two and heavenly love of Sujata.She understood the other friends took her to be a sitting duck, and wanted to exploit her in their own interests and ways. Her goodness was thought to be her weakness, or Maqbool couldn’t have created the undesirable situation. She wept, and realized when interested people thought she’s without real friends they tried to take advantage of the assumed situation. Even Anuradha, whom she took to be real friend, was no exception. The behaviour of the girl seemed to be mysterious. She promised on her own she wouldn’t keep contact with Maqbool but was in communication with him and remained updated about his movement and activities. She didn’t want to be in such a world of conspiracy where people’re out to malign and blackmail her.” Papa mayn’t have given me time and company, but he wanted me to be an accomplished person. When I didn’t take admission for medical study, he and maa might have been unhappy and frustrated but they never questioned my decision. They didn’t go against my affair with Arup, and the break-up with him was my failure. They didn’t question it. I left them. It must have hurt them. I didn’t do justice to them. I failed to perform my duty to my parents, and I’m their only child.”Anu spent the rest of the night in introspection Thammi had induced in her.( continued on 1^st January 2015)

She Won't Reveal 32

                          She Won’t Reveal (32)

                     Nidhu Bhusan Das

After lunch, at the request of Prafullada, Anu left her room which he’d decorate for the party. She’s in bed clutching Sujata in the adjoining room. They’re nostalgic about the days in Kolkata and Delhi. The two pairs of eyes glistened with tears which dropped now and again in the shape of the nest of a weaver-bird. The faces revealed a sad joy as they understood they had traveled a long way in life and experience. They found an occasion to recapitulate. “Life’s a sad experience, dear!” Anu exclaimed.” We’re sad ‘cause we don’t know how to be happy,” explained Sujata.”I’ve tried but found happiness is elusive,”Anu maintained.” It isn’t like what we think, dear.You can understand and have a holistic view of life only when you enjoy sadness. In fact, I enjoy it,” said Sujata of her conviction, philosophically.Anu couldn’t but accept the idea of Sujata as she tended to believe her friend’s happy.

             Prafullada and Angshu were busy giving the room of the angel of the house the ambience of paradise. The large framed pictures of the child and the young Anu with parents and grandma at home and the one in which she’s seen being given the gold medallion and certificate of the university by the Chancellor in the convocation held in 2012 were hung on the wall. These three pictures were foregrounded with care, love and superb aesthetic sense to dominate the adornments of the room. Bed sheet, bed cover, pillow covers, table cloth and curtains were changed giving the room the aura of a spring day in that part of the Assam Himalaya. The wardrobe was dusted. Flower vases of different sizes and shapes were placed at four corners of the room on stools covered with cloths of colours matching the colours of the flowers. At the centre of the room was set a large round table whereon the cake would be kept with 28 lit candles on it.Anu would blow out the candles and cut the cake. When everything was tidied, Prafullada called Anu and Sujata, and Angshu went down to call Professor Sanyal to see the arrangement. They came and appreciated the taste and aesthetic sense of Prafullada and his ardent follower Angshu. Anu’s overwhelmed and exclaimed,” What a profound and undefiled love you all have for me!”

                   Below in the kitchen the cook and his attendants from a caterer were busy. Professor Sanyal had decided, though a private party, the catering service would be engaged, and they would all be free for merriment on the occasion. After sunset Sujata’s busy dressing Anu and herself. They bought for Anu a Tosha Silk saree, matching blouse, slipper and nail polish among other accessories, also a French Old Spice Musk Deodorant. This French brand of perfume’s to the liking of Anu. In her new dress, Anu remembers the wedding ceremony of Arup and Mita.On that occasion she wore a green kantha silk saree with floral motif embroidered on the edges. That’s a day of resignation for her, and today she wanted to be reborn like a phoenix leaving behind all the sad experiences. She would like to live in peace and joy from now on. She’d had enough of bitter experience, mental turmoil and feeling of isolation. Besides Thammi, she now felt for her papa and mom. She remembered she’s no interaction with papa for about five years. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she’s now in the embrace of Sujata who heard her utter “I’m to blame for all these…”

Sujata assured her,”No, dear, don’t think that way. Life’s an experience and we learn from experience.”

“I’ve learnt, and I wouldn’t make any more mistakes. Please help me.”

“We’re there with you, Anu, always.”

“Let’s go to papa,”Anu suggested.

A knock on the door.Anu opened it, and was surprised to see the professor.”Papa, you! You’ll live long. We’re thinking of going to you,” said Anu, exalted.

“Beti (Daughter) and Maa, both of you look so elegant.”

“You’d now forget your Maa having the Beti, won’t you, son?” enquired Sujata in a tone of mock complaint.

“My Beti’s your grand daughter, and you’re Thammi, aren’t you?”

“That’s true, isn’t it Anu?” asked Sujata embracing her tight.

“Now, when would you like to start the ceremony?” the professor wanted to know.

“Papa, let’s talk a while,” suggested Anu.

Professor Sanyal took his Beti by the hand and sat on the bed with his Maa beside.”Beti, why do you think I’m like your papa? Your papa must be much superior to me,” he’s eager.

“My papa’s like you, a good man, but he’s a professional to the core. All his emotion’s concentrated on his profession, not an iota of it for us in the family. He knows I’m his daughter or he has a daughter, but has never been able to find time for me, to understand my emotional needs,” Anu’s elaborate.

“Have you ever tried to let him understand that you need him, he’s important for your growth and happiness?”

“Isn’t it his duty, papa? You’ve come here on your own out of affection and empathy. That’s like a father.”

“But you’ve the right to assert that you deserve his care and attention.”

“That you can say, but he’d remain beyond my reach, always.”

“Everyone is reachable if we try.”

“Okay, I’m really happy today that for the first time my birthday’s being celebrated at the initiative of my papa.”

                  Professor Sanyal understood and smiled. The girl’s the victim of a sense of not having the desired emotional care and attention of her father who remains absorbed in his profession. He hoped he’d be able to resolve the long standing problem once he’d talk to the father. He also understood that the overwhelming sense of neglect led her to desperation.Sujata should know the parents of Anu and it’s possible to contact them, even a face to face communication with them, thought the professor. He wouldn’t take much time to contact them once he’s back to Guwahati, decided the professor. He read the time on his watch and said it’s time to begin the ceremony. They came into the room where Prafullada and Angshu were waiting. Everything was ready. The cake’s there on the table, and now the candles were lit. The chorus of ‘Happy Birthday to you’ synchronized with Anu blowing out the candles and cutting the cake. The room smiled. Anu spoon forked a piece of cake into the mouth of everyone. Before that Professor Sanyal, Sujata, Prafullada and Angshu one by one forked pieces of the cake for Anu to take in. The ceremony over, they began talking about their birthdays, birth places and childhood days. They spent about a couple of hours recalling the days left behind and yet they felt like revisiting the past and sharing the moments that receded.

Midway through the session for reminiscing, the phone of Sujata buzzed. She saw Anuradha’s name flashing on the monitor. She took the call and said,”Hello, who’re you calling?” as if she didn’t know who’s the caller. If fact, Sujata couldn’t as yet come to accept Anuradha as someone welcome. Rather she thought the girl is a disturbance in the life of her dearest chuck. The reply came prompt,”Anuradha, ma’am.” She couldn’t understand she wasn’t quite acceptable to the friend of her ma’am.Or, she wouldn’t mind being neglected since she knew she must endure to achieve her goal.

“Well, what’s about you, have you decided?” asked Sujata.

“Ma’am, Maqbool’s in Amlarem today,” Anuradha informed.

“What! How do you know?” asked Sujata harshly, the contours of her face reflecting worry.

“He telephoned me a few minutes ago,” she said.

“So, you’re in communication with him,”Sujata uttered brassily.

“He told me he’s there to settle score with Anu ma’am.”

“Anything more?”Sujata enquired.

“He may create a scene with Anu ma’am.”

“That we’ll see. Call me tomorrow at 6.30 a.m.” Sujata instructed.(to be continued on 25^th December 2014)

She Won't Reveal 31

           She Won’t Reveal (31)

            Nidhu Bhusan Das

  No sooner had they left the house for the market than induced by her entheomania, Anu went to the worship room and tried meditation, perhaps, to know about the whereabouts of Thammi and communicate with Guruji. But she couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t come out of the distraction, and forget the embarrassment following the exposure of the triangle. She felt ashamed that the relation between Anuradha and Maqbool engineered by her had come into the open.”Anuradha and Maqbool have let me down,” she thought,” It’s better to have no friends than to have ones who cannot understand. Besides, it’s unwise on my part to encourage the relationship between the two belonging to two different religions having antagonistic stances accentuated by fundamentalist interpretation of one of them. My innocence often amounts to stupidity,” Anu concluded. She felt her problems weren’t over. Maqbool would remain an irritant.Anuradha will continue to nag.” I must come out of the vicious circle,” she decided.

“But how can I ditch Anuradha who has been my second self since we came to know each other online? How can I forget the intimate moments and oral articulation of our mutual amorous feelings?” thought Anu.

                 “Well, I may win Anuradha if she feels my love for her is stronger than that of Maqbool.But is it possible she is more inclined to me than to him against the principle of biological attraction?”Anu asked herself, diffident. She felt the desire to make a call to Anuradha but resisted the temptation thinking it would be wise to keep silence to understand her mind.

Anu now looked inward, saw a light. It’s a wick-light on earthenware as is used in her worship room. She concentrated on it and perceived it’s on her forehead. More concentration led her to feel her heart and mind were being illuminated and cleansed of impurities and getting placid. Now she could see the light perched on the heart of Anuradha.It worked like the PET scan doctors use to diagnose a health condition, as well as for finding out how an existing condition is developing and to see how effective an ongoing treatment is. Anu now saw the undulations of her feeling and emotion for Maqbool.She was yet to forget him and her heart still stretched towards her lover.Anu thought they might still be in communication despite her commitment to Sujata. Anu thought the girl wouldn’t be able to forget him. She once told her they had solemnized their e-marriage.” What’s e-marriage?”Anu asked the girl, surprised.“It’s online marriage, ma’am,”she said, inspired.

“How is it possible?”Anu queried.

“Ma’am, through Skype we did it,”Anuradha revealed.

“I couldn’t understand,”Anu’s candid.

“Through video chatting, ma’am,” said Anuradha.

“How?”

“We both recited from the Veda and the Quraan the wedding mantras and thus we’re in union,” explained Anuradha.

               Anu laughed away her fancy, and thought the girl is so simple and innocent. Now she thought if the girl could come away from the charm of Maqbool, she could have another plan for her to be safe, happy and within reasonable control reining her fancy. “But she mayn’t be able to live without Maqbool,”thought Anu.Her thought got disrupted at the excited call of Prof Sanyal,”Auntie! Where’re you? See what we’ve brought. Come down and plan the menu.” While Anu’s descending, the

                   Professor intercepted followed by Sujata and took her to her room to show the

dress, jewelry and footwear bought for her for the occasion. The exuberance and love of

the professor overwhelmed her. This was her first experience of getting so exuberant

parental love, and she felt bound to return it with filial affection for the man who, she

knew, bore a tragic burden. She hugged him like a daughter embracing her father

receiving gifts of love on such occasion. She came to feel it’s beyond her power to tear

the cord of affection the professor had bound her with. She smiled and tears rolled down

her cheeks. Taking the gifts onto her breast she began to sob. Were they tears of joy or

were they induced by the sad memory of having been deprived of parental love? She

exclaimed” Papa!” and continued,”bless me, Papa; take me to your lap. I need your

care.” The situation totally changed, and unexpectedly. A well of such an emotion

overflowed as Anu never experienced. A sense of deprivation unhinged her mind and thought and right that moment she might have got the feeling of a new type of

socialization. A catharsis relieved her and she tended to think anew about life and

living. She felt like coming out of an abyss of darkness to a new world of light, and the

room is again aglow. The professor said,”Auntie, let’s go out into the garden.” Anu

smiled and stepped forward.

                  In the kitchen the cook was busy preparing lunch. Anu had instructed her about the

menu. In the forenoon the garden bathed in the soft rays of the sun is soothing. The

leaves and grass again are green and soft for Anu. “Papa, the birds are so beautiful and

their song is regaling. How do you like it all?” Anu said looking at the professor, eager.

Professor Sanyal was taken aback. He was awakened to a new feeling as Anu had

called him ‘Papa’. It jolted him into a new responsibility.  The father arose in him.” Yes

Mom, we’re in paradise. This is the most blissful moment of my life. I cannot think I could

be a father.’ Papa’! It’s a call I could not expect. But now I’m. What could be more

blissful?” he said, with emotion profound.Sujata had the hands of Anu in her hands, and

the memory of the student life came back to her when the two friends were two-in-

one.”Papa, would you tell me what’s life divine?” asked Anu, looking up at the professor

with eyes which had acquired profundity.

“Joy makes a life divine, Beti (daughter),” said the professor, confident.

“Papa, are you happy, really?”

“Now I’m hundred per cent happy with my Beti and MAA.”

“Then Sujata is now my Thammi isn’t it?”

Sujata kissed and hugged her and said,” Yes, I’m my naughty Natni (grand daughter)”

Caressing her Anu said,” You’ll never leave me, promise?”

“We won’t leave you, dear if you’re no longer naughty.”

“Thammi, I’ll always go by what papa and you tell me to do.”

“That’s like a good girl.”

“I’m always good, am not I?”

“Not always, sometimes so naughty,” said Sujata lovingly.

The joyful conversation ended with the call of Prafullada to go to the dining room.

The lunch was ready.

               At lunch they discussed the birthday party, the cake, the decoration and

menu of the feast.Anu’s against illuminating the bungalow as suggested

 by Prafullada and Angshu because she felt pomp and splendour wasn’t acceptable

 in an area where poverty prevailed. The professor and Sujata agreed and

 praised the sensibility of Anu who had said,” Papa, it’s unbecoming that

 we would go for such pompous celebration when people love me for my

 friendliness with them.” ( continued on 18 December 2014)

She Won't Reveal 30

                         She Won’t Reveal (30)

                      Nidhu Bhusan Das

Anu today saw the sunrise from the corridor of the bungalow for the second time. The first time she saw it about two years ago on the day that followed her entry into the house. That sunrise signified her hope for infinite and perpetual joy of living in her own abode which she would make her heaven to live in a state of bliss. The sunrise today left a different message for her; she felt the spectacle predicted for her:” Soon, dear maid, you would leave the house for the world of the enlightened ones.” Though her desire was to join the ranks of the enlightened, she wasn’t comfortable watching the rising sun and she went bright crimson. She said to herself,” The bungalow is so beautiful!”  

                 For Prafullada, now in the garden as usual, the rising sun, with all its splendour, spread blessing, and the house was going to be bathed in the holy rays of the star of the day. He hoped the reconciliation was afoot, and the house would shine again. He was pruning the plants and thought the sunshine would burn the impurities that had been plaguing the house for some time. Others in the house were still abed. They went to sleep uncertain. Anu went to the garden, thoughtful and sat on the chair. With the face cupped with the palms, she continued her gaze at the sun, unaware of the presence of Prafullada.She felt herself defeated.

                 In his Ashram 21 km away from the bungalow, Guruji was elated in the presence of Anu.One hundred and thirty-five years old Guruji, according to Anu, is the last one of his dynasty. He is always cheerful in the presence of his disciple Anu who has given in to him for tantric lessons. He had performed his morning worship of the sun for the first time with Anu to his left. He didn’t expect her to be with him so soon. She had told him she would be with him for ever after a month. So, he asked her what brought her so early.” Everything is settled there at home?” he asked Anu, eager.

“Settled perfectly,” said Anu, confident.

“Wonderful. Now you shall always be with me. You shall have to perform jaggas and other duties,” said Guruji, simpering.

In the garden of the bungalow the thoughts which were churning in Anu’s mind included her impending journey to theGuruji.She was really happy thinking of being with him soon.

In the Ashram, Anu told Guruji “I’m happy really that I could be with you earlier than expected and planned.”

Guruji now decided he won’t go visit the temple as with Anu beside him the Ashram had become a temple. A room was allotted to Anu and he coyly took her to the room.Anu expressed her gratitude to Guruji. A talk followed.

“Life is to live in joy. The highest joy is possible only when you are away from the family and in meditation,” said Guruji.

“Yes, Guruji.That’s why I’m with you quitting the job,” assured Anu.

“Could you erase Arup from your memory?” asked Guruji.meaningfully.

“I’ve none else in my mind except you,” asserted Anu so that he could rest assured.

                  At 8 a.m. the breakfast was ready. Anu asked Prafullada to call everybody to the table. Only Angshu was still asleep. Prafullada awakened him. Everyone was at the table within 15 minutes. The breakfast was served in elegant plates. In each plate were butter toasts, two poached eggs and crystallized fruits. Black coffee was ready. It is Anu’s favourite breakfast and, she remembered, her doctor parents would encourage her to have poached eggs for it is a low-calorie food.

Anu welcomed them all to the breakfast with a warm ‘Good Morning’ and a silence followed. Over the cup of coffee Professor Sanyal broke the silence: “So, auntie, may I rest assured the problem, whatsoever, is sorted out and all of you are reconciled?"

“Yes, I value your wisdom, son.I will go by your wishes,” said Anu.Her tone seemed sincere.

Prafullada was elated at the statement of Anu and said,” None can disturb and break our family.” He rose and said in glee,” I’m going out to collect flowers and twigs to make a giant bouquet for the birthday celebration of my dear sister.”Prof Sanyal nodded, Sujata and Anu smiled. When everyone was about to rise Anu’s phone buzzed, and she gave it to Sujata to answer. Sujata switched the speaker on and answered.

“Ma’am is busy. May I know who is calling?” Sujata asked though she saw the name of Anuradha on the screen.

“I’m Anuradha.I’m to talk to ma’am. It’s urgent.”

“Your ma’am has decided she wouldn’t attend any telephone call. You may leave your message with me and I may pass it over to her. I’m Sujata, her friend. From now on I will handle her communication.”

“Is it?” she asked in a wet voice.

“You may send an SMS right now to get it confirmed. Soon the cell phone will be switched off. I may give my number if you so desire.”

“No, it’s okay. I won’t be with Maqbool and will go by the advice of ma’am,” Anuradha staccatoed.

“You will have to talk on these matters to me only, if you please,” said Sujata categorically.

“I will ma’am,” Anuradha replied.

               Anu felt relieved. She had decided not to be involved in such matters any more. She was tired and would like to be free from troubles. “Enough is enough,” she said to herself. But she felt particularly lonely because Thammi had been out of reach since last midnight. She wouldn’t lose her tested friends for people like Maqbool and Anuradha.She is anxious about where Thammi could have gone. She shouldn’t be angry any more as Anu was acting as desired by her mentor. The sudden dematerialization of Thammi appeared to be tricky to her. She is unaware that Thammi had become the eidolic mate of her Guruji to keep him away from her. Absorbed in thought, Anu didn’t hear the conversation between Sujata and Anuradha, and she wasn’t interested either.

“Well, call me after a week. I allow you this as a cooling period. See if you can really leave Maqbool, which I think you will not be able to do,” said Sujata to Anuradha.

“I will never go with him, ma’am,” said Anuradha.

“Don’t call me ma’am. Call auntie, if you like,” Sujata said with an idea not to be shared now.

“Auntie, please rest assured, I will never be with Maqbool,”said Anuradha, defeated.

“Let’s see. One thing more, don’t try to communicate with Anu, I mean your ma’am.”

Anuradha was put out, but wouldn’t give up as she feared she would be lonely.

“I would communicate with you only, auntie,”she said, desperate.

“Only after the cooling period,”Sujata was straight forward, and the phone was switched off.

She reported to Anu the conversation and asked her not to switch on the phone for now and never to answer the call of the girl.Anu promised to follow her. She appeared to be sincere.

               Prof Sanyal and Sujata asked Anu to accompany them to the market. She said she would stay back at the house to look after the work of the cook, and suggested Angshu might go with them. Prof Sanyal didn’t insist, and accompanied by Angshu they set out to the market. ( continued on 11 December 2014)