She Won’t Reveal (18)
Nidhu Bhusan Das
Amlarem’s charming in the spring. No
thunder and lightning of summer and bitter cold of winter.Prafullada looks on.
Beautiful flowers in the garden and lush green Nature beyond are mesmerizing.
We may look at Nature to drink her undefiled beauty, to draw solace from her
when we’ve the troubled mind or just to show that we love her. For Prafullada,
Nature is all he likes to be with. She’s her first and last love. He doesn’t
know why he’s come to look upon Anu as his sister. He’s the question in mind
but no answer. This happens. We don’t find answer to all the questions relevant
to our lives. A simpleton like Prafullada in his innocence may not have the
insatiable query of a philosopher or a frustrated lover. He’s usually in a
jocund mood. Since childhood he finds the joy in Nature reflected in him. But
the fact that Anu’s taken him into her confidence has brought in him a sadness
which he cannot explain away. He feels he’s the brother of Anu and uncle of
Angshu. In the absence of Anu, he’s been the guardian of Angshu, and she’ll
return today. The home, he feels, will be full of joy, and she’ll beam in the
charming atmosphere Nature presents. However, he won’t be able to share the
joy.
Unlike his nature, Prafullada has begun to
feel a pang now as he awaits the arrival of Anu.A melancholia’s shrouding his
joy as a blue sky may sometimes be overcast in the Himalayas . He cannot
remember if anytime he had the same experience. He never felt he belonged to a
society other than that of the Nature where trees, birds, rivers and the vast
sky had been his companions and sources of joy. He had been away from the idiosyncrasies
and egoistical problems of people around. He works for Anu not for money or for
being in her family. He loves being in the midst of Nature and being a creator
as a gardener. The aroma of trees and plants is what sustains his energy and
spirit of life. He feels like every other creature – be it a bird, doe or deer,
a plant, a river, a Himalayan peak – a human is also a part and contributory
element of Nature. He finds harmony in Nature, and dare not face and cannot
like the conflicts and vices like betrayals the humans are involved in and
subjected to. He’s pained to see that Anu and her mother couldn’t get reconciled;
Nilu isn’t a real friend, Anu’s in discomfiture when Arup’s the subject of talk
and thought. He isn’t sure how the relation between Angshu and Anu will evolve.
He remembers how he would spend hours
together in the company of Nature even when he’s a child. That’s why he
couldn’t be comfortable at the village primary school, and ultimately failed to
have any formal education. Sitting on the threshold of the front door
overlooking the gate of the bungalow, waiting for the sound of the car that would bring Anu back,
he reflects on the circumstances that
generated his empathy for Anu, particularly after her mother’s visit. He
doesn’t like the whir and screech of a car, yet he’s waiting for one so
eagerly. He’s eager to see Anu return as he hopes the house’ll be lively in her
presence. He doesn’t enjoy the sound of cymbals Anu creates while worshipping
the goddess Kali and lord Mahadeva, and her incantations are beyond his
comprehension. He’s never peeped into her spacious worship-room, and doesn’t
understand how clad like a western maid, modern in gait and switching and
mixing codes while talking, Anu’s come to be in Tantra sadhana though she’s a
high profile executive.
Prafullada doesn’t have the desire to be an
ascetic or a recluse - he knows he’s like a plant, a flower, a butterfly or a
bird, carefree and unbound. He understands he mustn’t be involved in the family
of Anu, but the fervent appeal of her to be with her in her crisis set him
thinking. What should he do for now? He remembers recently in a monologue she’s
said:”Do whatever you like in this life…once gone, this life’ll never come
back.Fulfil all your desires. You must reach your destination…” (JA karar ei
jibone e karo…ei jibon aar fire paoya jabena.sab ichha puron karo nijer
moner.jeta destination setake pate e hobe…).Here he finds a contradiction
between her life of worship and desire for temporal gain. He feels these two
cannot be reconciled, yet she thinks this way. In his wisdom he believes this
isn’t the place for him. He must leave Anu and Angshu and go far away to live
in the midst of friends in Nature. Let Anu return and after a couple of days
he’d take leave of her before the bond gains in strength. He wouldn’t like to be
a witness to the complications that may follow in the life of Anu and Angshu
vis-à-vis the renewed interest of Arup and her new-found or hitherto dormant
philosophy of life “Do whatever you like in this life.”
His thought’s been disrupted when his eye’s
fallen on a swarm of butterflies flying from flower to flower. They’re carefree
and happy, he understands. Now in the garden, he’s lost in the serenity of
Nature. Sitting on the stool near the garden table he feels oneness with the
soul of Nature. No more Anu, no more Angshu.He’s now in his own happy world.
Angshu’s called him several times but he has been unaware of it. Anu’s car has
screeched to a halt but the sound hasn’t been able to submerge the harmony he
enjoys.Anu’s discovered Angshu sad and thoughtful on the sofa of the drawing
room. She’s kissed him on the forehead and received his kiss. They’re now in
the bedroom.Angshu complains Prafullada’s been found nowhere.” What!” the mother
exclaimed. She’s rushed downstairs and into the garden where Prafullada’s found
meditative. She takes him by the hand, and out of reverie he smiles, sadly, and
follows her to the drawing room.
“Dada is there anything wrong?” she asked
earnestly.
“No, no Bunu (sister), I’m okay,” he
replied with a forced smile.
“Was Angshu naughty?” she enquired.
“No, he’s a good boy, take care of him.
He’s your future,” he suggested.
“Then why are you sad?”
“Bunu I’ve to tell you something,” he said
hesitant.
“Please tell me dada.”
“I’m to go.”
“Where?”
“Don’t know.”
“Why, then who’ll help me take care of
Angshu? Don’t you love Angshu?”
“You’re there. Mother’s the best guide and
guardian.”
“Dada, you know, I’m lonely, without a real
friend, someone who understands.”
“But your social relations have become
complicated.Arupbabus are there.”
“That’s why I need you, dada. Please don’t
desert me.”
“But you’ve contradictions.”
“Why do you think so?”
“You’re involved in Tantra Sadhona, and at
the same time believe it’s wise to go for temporal gain.”
“No-no, I’m for sadhona.That I meant for
people like Arup who don’t understand the life of sadhona.”
“Before I go I’ll tell you one thing,
bunu.”
“I won’t let you go.”
Anu begins to think about what Prafullada
would tell her. Why he wouldn’t tell it now. Will he tell something about Arup
or Angshu? Does Angshu also have the same feeling about her complications? Anu
goes upstairs, closes the door and wouldn’t have dinner. Loneliness again grips
her, she thinks what’s ahead. (to be continued on 28th August 2014)
