She Won't Reveal (2)

           She Won’t Reveal (2) 
                               Nidhu Bhusan Das

On Sunday I reached the bungalow on time. Anu was in her beautiful front garden, 
sitting on a chair, her friend Nilu beside on another chair. There were three 
chairs and an oval table usually used for breakfast and refreshments in the 
garden of a posh bungalow. It’s December 15. People put on colourful warm clothes 
on such a day. Under the clear sky the garden looked charming. The lush green 
grass was freshly mowed. Light blue cornflowers, also known as bachelor’s button, 
red button daisies and brownish orchid flowers adorned the garden rich with 
insectivorous pitcher plants and lemon plants. The sun is yet to be bright and 
the rays were soft. Professionals in the area see the morning late on holidays in 
winter.
Anu introduced me to Nilu saying,” This is my friend Nilu,I mean Nilima Sanyal. 
She is born and brought up here, did her M.A. in English and a PhD on Oedipus 
complex in the novels of D.H. Laurence from Guwahati University. She teaches in the local college. She is junior to me by 3 years.” We exchanged greetings and namaskar. Nilu offered me to sit on the blank chair, face to face with them. She has an anglicized accent, and began the conversation. She proved to be a to my reticent host whom you have to understand mostly reading body language. 

“How do you like our place?” Nilu asked. “It’s fantastic, and the bungalow with 
the garden is a dream world.” I noticed a cheerfulness hovering over the face of 
my host and a smile lingering on her lips. She said,” The credit goes to the 
gardener, the amiable Prafullada. I told him of my dream and he laid out the 
garden. It’s he who takes care of it.” At this I looked at her, astonished at her 
humility when Nilu with all spontaneity clarified,” She is like that. She doesn’t 
fail to acknowledge the contribution and good work of anybody.” As the 
conversation progressed, I became aware of the Thlumuwi waterfall the sound of which synced well with the buzz of insects and chirp of birds in and around the  Toast, omelet and coffee came soon amid the conversation. The domestic help Lila came smiling with the tray. There is a cheerful atmosphere in the bungalow, and I enjoyed it. If there is any gloom, it remains buried in the presence of guests as the cloud is lit bright in the resplendent presence of the sun. I said,” The toast, omelet and even the coffee taste different here…” “How?” Nilu interrupted. “You see, even the taste of food differs in different atmospheres, I mean the human environment.” My host nodded, smiling while Nilu agreed verbally. This is like Anu. She verbalizes less, uses facial expressions more.” Why don’t you have roses in your garden?” I asked my host. 

“It was roses, roses, all the way,” she began and said, “I hope you have read the 
poem.”

“Yes, by Robert Browning,” I said.

“Roses are for celebrations, and every celebration culminates into oblivion,” she 
averred.

“It’s also for love,” I suggested.

“Love is fiction while the fact is rose has thorns,” she clarified.

“In gazals rose stands for love and longing, and you like gazals,” I countered.

“Yes, I like but it’s for their lyric and melancholy,” she was candid.

Then she hastened to ask, “Well, what about your Kolkata, these days?” Is it she 
is interested or just to leave the present topic of our conversation? I was 
puzzled.

“It’s getting faster, bigger and vaster every day,” I said.

“And less and less humane,” she added.

“Do you believe so?” I asked, really to know her mind.

“You should be proud of your City of Joy. Ain’t the slums increasing and 
expanding, and the number of pavement dwellers?” she enquired, meaningfully.

“Asian cities- even the US ones- have these features,” I asserted.

“But none of them is a City of Joy for Dominique Lapierre,” she countered with a 
kind of sarcasm.

“Is it you’re bitter about your hometown?” I dared to ask.

“Why should I?” came the apt reply. She was visibly perturbed.

I forgot I shouldn’t put a journalistic question to my host who is not a public 
figure and won’t like to be one. Bound within this Lakshman Rekha, how I could 
know her mind, I thought, seriously. But I couldn’t go beyond the limit of 
courtesy that exists between a host and a guest.

“I understand you shouldn’t. Maybe, I was overcurious,” I said apologetically.

“That’s alright, no problem. Curiosity is not unwelcome,” she assured me, 
smiling.



Nilu pointed out it’s already 11 a.m. My host decided we should now be indoors 
for a round of tea to be followed by lunch at 12. Anu religiously follows routine. On holidays, she has her lunch at 12 noon and dinner by 8 p.m. No break of the rule. She is strict in this. As desired by the host, we left the garden for the drawing room. Seated on the sofa, I looked at the Picasso and the Da Vices, and a silence set in.Nilu called my attention to tea. I felt a shake, awakened, as it were, from a stance. I felt disturbed as the stance was preferable to the tea. But I wouldn’t like them to understand .I took up the cup filled with fuming tea .Even the flavour of Darjeeling could not transport me to the reality of their presence from the world of dream and thought that the paintings brought me to. I felt the slip between the cup and the lip when they tried to hide their laughter at my queer behaviour as I looked on with the cup near the lip without having a sip to read the meaning contained in the paintings.

Guernica, intriguingly, is on the front wall, and the left is occupied by the 
Last Supper and on the right wall is Mona Lisa. The weeping woman in the Picasso is in all her harsh ugliness. Why my host has chosen the piece to decorate the front wall is the question which dominates my thought. Is it that she has a strong bitterness in her experience which she finds expressed through the weeping woman? Against what could be the strong sentiment of hers? If it’s so, 
why has she chosen the other two paintings? What do the women in the other twosymbolize for her? Mary Magdalene, consort of Jesus and present in the 
Last Supper, is courageous, strong willed and compassionate. Does the choice 
suggest she appreciates the qualities and shares them? But why Mona Lisa with her mysterious smile is her choice? My host always wears a smile. She is tough once she takes a decision. I understand she has determination and courage to decide boldly. But what is the cause? The weeping woman in Guernica has a cause against 
the Spanish Civil War, Magdalene was with the Christ in critical situations like 
the crucifixion, and she was the first to perceive the resurrection of the Son of 
God. May we think she embodies anger, compassion and determination? What could be the cause of anger which leads to her determination and her compassion which one 
understands from her acts of a Good Samaritan with the local people who have come to look upon her as DIDI (Sister)?
Nilu again awakened me to tell that it’s time for lunch. She has arrogated unto 
herself the role of the host while Anu cudgels her brains in her presence. Nilu 
is definitely her alter ego. 

We were now at the dining table with four chairs. The kitchen keeper had kept the food items on the table. Plates were laid before us three. Dehradun rice gave out enchanting flavour, chicken curry, pineapple-ilish, mung dal , fresh 
Italian ice-cream were in the menu.Delicious, indeed. My host politely said, 
“Let’s start, Mr. Bose.” The lunch began. Fish was the first choice to begin 
with. As we were on the pineapple-ilish , Anu said,” I like ilish. It’s my 
favourite fish. How do you like the fish, Mr. Bose?’ I said,” Like every East 
Bengali, I also like ilish.” She appeared to have become happy.
“Mr. Bose midway through our conversation at the drawing room you suddenly turned melancholic, I mean thoughtful. Your eyes were travelling from one painting to another,” said my host with curiosity.
“Is it?” I asked, innocently.
“And you stopped talking.” 
“Well, I was trying to understand,” I said, perplexed.
“Trying to understand what, the meaning of the paintings?” she asked.
“I don’t know, exactly.”
She smiled meaningfully.
“Are you homesick? Kolkata pulls you back?” she was inquisitive.
“No, not that. I remain away from home for months together. I have none to anchor 
me. I’m a tramp, you can say,” I explained.
“Maybe, we are not the right persons to be in entertaining conversation,” she 
felt.
“The paintings are thought provoking and puzzling,” said to mollify her.
“That’s true,” she said, assured.
“I tried to relate them to your taste,” I pointed out, cautious.
“My taste, you relate to!” she exclaimed, as it were, singed at the suggestion.
“The choice is yours,” I asserted, boldly.
“The choice is meaningless. I’m not after meaning, you know,” She shot back.
“Every choice has meaning,” I said involuntarily.
At this Anu’s smile receded. Put out, she asked me about the taste of the food, 
evidently to bury an uncomfortable topic. ( continued on 15 January 2014)

She Wouldn't Reveal

             She Won’t Reveal                                                                                                                            

                                         Nidhu Bhusan Das

                This is where she lives and will die. Born and brought up in Kolkata, Anasuya Chatterjee has made this Himalayan hamlet her home. She is almost a recluse, away from parents and near and dear ones.

“I like the place and the people here.”

“How come, you have chosen this forest village?”

“For its pristine character.” She was candid.

“Looks, it’s haunted”, I said and felt so in a winter afternoon.

She smiled and her triangular face shone as she asserted,” This is the place for me.”

               She lives alone in a hamlet in the Assam Himalayas, far from her hometown Kolkata. She likes the tranquility of the shady haunt where she owns a sprawling bungalow, once a residence of a British national. Anu, short for Anusuya, is now an LIC officer, somewhere in the North-east. She drives to office in the town from the village she has made her own for it is under green cover and secluded. When asked she says: “I like seclusion, and simple people here. See, how beautiful the few people around. They have values which I have come to like. They are different from city people, and have love and devotion.” I understand she appreciates the pristine glory of the Assam Himalayas and its aborigines. An alumna of a central university in the national capital, Anu has, obviously, turned stoic and developed tremendous fortitude at this age. Last 10th September she turned 27.

                Anu is lonely, always. In childhood she would spend hours alone in a corner of her own room, play with herself, draw pictures and look out to observe and count the ivy leaves on the wall across the street. Sometimes, she would go to her grandma’s room to listen to folktales.Thammi (grandma) would never say ‘no’ to the request for a tale or story of her days with grandpa. In fact, thammi was the only friend and companion of Anu in the house. She could scarcely have the company of her doctor parents who were damn busy in profession. Only once did her papa take her to Babughat, Kolkata to show her the immersion of the idols of Devi Durga, which is a great event in Bengal enjoyed by millions of people.

“Don’t you visit your home town and parents from time to time?”

“No, and will never”, she said with accents on the negatives, over the cup of black coffee she arranged for me.

“Why”, I wanted to know, quite foolishly.

“Let the world know I will never go back to the plains”, she snapped, determined.

“Don’t you feel nostalgic”, I enquired to pacify her, as I understood she was disturbed at the mention of the hometown.

“I have forgotten my past, and would like to keep it buried”, she said as her face stooped a bit and the eyes glistening with tears she tried to hold back.

            I decided I should revert to the topic of places of tourist interest in her area and beyond. I went to the area as a tourist and one late afternoon I stopped in front of her bungalow as I was told there resides a young Bengali officer of the LIC from Kolkata, also my hometown. I could not but have a desire to interact with someone in my mother tongue. Though unknown, I sent a message through the gardener. Within minutes she emerged from the bungalow smiling, and reached the gate to welcome me.

          “ I’m Amal Bose from Kolkata, a tourist,” I introduced myself with a namaskar.  Greeting me,she said, “ I’m Anusuya Chatterjee.”

           She took me to the drawing room, furnished and well maintained. A Picasso spread on the front wall, two Da Vincis on side walls almost look like frescos, and suggests she is a connoisseur of art. A mandolin and a guitar are kept with care leaning against the back wall. The floor is covered with Kashmiri carpet rich with flower and folk motif.

           Clad in casuals, she politely took leave of me and went inside. She reemerged, and her domestic help followed with snacks and coffee. She herself served the delicacies. I politely said it was not necessary. She said it was time for her to have coffee, and I must be exhausted after the trek. Her humility was inspiring. I said,” It appears your favourite pastime relates to involvement in cultural activities.” She smiled and said,” How do you know?” I pointed to the paintings on the walls and the two musical instruments. She said,” No, I have no taste for them now.” And her smile receded for a moment.” Once you might have the taste,” I said, hesitant. “How do you like the place?” she asked to divert. I told her of my experience in the hills and the lure of the idyllic beauty of her area. She was pleased and satisfied, perhaps, thinking that she had chosen the right place to live. Should I say she is romantic in her decision to return to Nature from urban civilization? Or she is just willing to live a quiet life in the tranquility that prevails here. I spent about an hour with her that afternoon. I found she was reticent and quite thoughtful. I understood her smile masks something which she could not share. I departed at sundown. She invited me to lunch the next Sunday and said we would have breakfast together at 9 in the morning.

            As I mounted the rented car, she waved to me. The car rolled on and her words” No, I have no taste for them now” rang in my ears. What went wrong that she could no longer enjoy painting and music, I thought. I remembered the story of Sudha Chandran who came back to the stage through sheer determination with a Jaipur foot after her leg was amputated following an accident. Why then is this girl so apathetic to painting and music? She evaded my query regarding her taste for the arts. I began to ratiocinate.

“Does she lack determination?”

“No, that can’t be. She has enough determination not to go back to the plains.”

“What could be the cause?”

“This must also be a determination.”

“Was she rebuffed somehow, somewhere?”

“If so, she wouldn’t, possibly, demonstrate her liking in the drawing room.”

“One rebuff couldn’t be the cause of her losing interest in the two arts.”

“Well, why is she determined not to go back to the plains?”

“The answer may be there”, I decided.

               Sometimes it happens, failed love leads to such kind of renunciation of sorts. A revolt against parental neglect also prompts decision to remain outside and away from family life. So, she may feel the sylvan glory of the place far away from Kolkata is her attraction. She finds the abode an ideal place for her to hide from the world she is fed up with.

             At home, when abed, resting, Anu,I am told, listens to gazals. During my weeklong stay in the nearby town, I often interacted with her in the evening and found she was stoically nostalgic. She confided to me that she often listens to this gazal by Mohammed Rafi:

Yeh Na Thi Hamari Quismat,Ke Wisaal-e-yaar Hota,

Agar Aur Jeete Rehete,Yahi Intazaar  Hota,

Tere Waade Par Jiye Ham,Tho Yeh Jaan  Jhoot Jana,

Ke Kushi Se Mar Na Jaate,Agar Aithbaar Hota,

Yeh Na Thi Hamaari Quismat…

Koi Mer Dil Se,Puche,Tere Teer-e-niim Kashko,

Voh Khalish Kahan Se Hoti,Jo Jigar Ke Paar Hota,

Yeh Na Thi Hamaari Quismat…

 (            It was not my destiny, to unite with my beloved,

Had I been still alive, this was what I would have waited for.

Your vow kept me alive, and you reckoned  it was a lie,

Wouldn’t have I died of happiness, if you had trusted me;

It was not my destiny ……..

Had any one asked my heart, about the arrows emanating from the bows of your half closed eyes,

Where from would that sting come, which had pierced across my heart?

It was not my destiny ……..)

Gazal, she says, is one of her favourite genres of song. But Why?  She wouldn’t reveal. A Gazal, you know, is a poetic expression of the pain of loss or separation, and the beauty of love despite the pain. It deals with an illicit or unattainable love. This love may be directed to a man or a woman. It may or may not have an explicit element of sexual desire expressed through it. Is she lovelorn?  It is not known, can only be guessed at this moment. (continued on 1 January 2014)

           

                               

            Jhumi in Tribulation

                                                      Annu Chaudhury

                

                 Uff! It’s terrible. The city appears to have come to a standstill. Traffic snarl and cacophonous chorus of honking of automobiles. This is a usual scene in Kolkata. Jhumi is new in her day-to-day life in the metropolis.  Fresh from Viswa Bharati University, she joined an advertising agency as media manager only last month through a campus selection process. She won a first class in mass communication and a gold medal. Perturbed, she looks   from the rear seat of her car and finds with ennui the dead sea of stationary vehicles ahead as far as the eye could see. She understands, it’s unpredictable when she could reach the office. She is aware, in the absence of work culture and respect for hierarchy, a section of the employees are in the habit of hurling caustic remarks in their gossips at senior colleagues behind their back. They cannot swallow the fact that Jhumi, a university fresher aged only 24 is their immediate boss. They invent stories about her tender feelings and imaginary relationship. She feels hurt and maintains honourable distance.

                Jhumi telephones the general manager to inform him of the jam in which she is held up for about half-an-hour and the resultant uncertainty about the time of her arrival at the office since a political procession has jeopardized the traffic system. Who does not know Kolkata is notorious as a city of processions? The AC is on and tired of the delay, she dozes and drifts into a reverie.She is now deep into her memory of student life. All along she studied in co-educational institutions. Her round face, wide eyes, pointed nose, black strong hair, yellow skin attracted many classmates, but none dared to propose as she was grave even in school days. Her female classmates also grudged her because she was the heartthrob of many a boy, and over and above she was the topper in the class. Now she has developed a tender feeling for someone she has not seen. She feels it’s strange but cannot deny the truth. A debate goes on within.

Yes, he is handsome.

Is it all to consider?

We cannot deny its importance.

Why does he love me? He says I am beautiful.

We don’t know each other but have seen the photos on the Facebook

Yes, the primary cause of our proximity is our looks, she concludes.

             Jhumi, as a student, didn’t have time to think about anything but study. She didn’t notice any advances of her male classmates towards her. Things have changed since a month. The acceptance of a friend request has brought about the change. Hassan Mahmud is a talented boy of 27. Jhumi and Hassan are my friends.  I know Hassan from college days. I was senior to him by one year. He sent the friend request as my friend, and she accepted his request for the same reason.  A PhD in Physics, he is now engaged in a research in astrophysics. His Kashmiri features and complexion, oval face with a dimple on the left cheek are enticing. While at college in Kolkata his girl classmates would often mill around him and push the tip of their index-finger into his dimple for thrill and fun. Everyday several girls would propose to him which he would reject outright.Jhumi and Hassan have in this a commonness. Preoccupied with studies, both could avoid being ensnared by love request.

          Hassan, as I know him, can well hide his inherent arrogance behind the veil of a sweet smile on his pomegranate lips. Within a week of their becoming friends in the virtual world, he proposed to Jhumi. His words enthralled her, his handsome features set her dreaming.Hassan proposed by phone. What was pleasing to her was the phraseology he used. It had the elegance and melody of an Urdu couplet. She could have the taste of his regaling tone when she received the call. ‘Here is Hassan, dear. May we have a few minutes together, now?’ The suddenness of the proposal and the politeness in the tone was astounding to her. She could not speak for seconds. Then laboriously she uttered,’Y-e-s.’ She could not understand having been together by phone is surreal. Yet it was a wonderful time for her, first time experience of oral love. She took a couple of days to accept the proposal on 16^th May 2013. Since then she waits for a ping every now and then from Shrinagar and dreams of an Eden in Kashmir.

              They are in virtual togetherness. Does it guarantee union of two minds? Socio-cultural environment, structured thought which becomes habit control individual mind. So, it is intriguing if there can be harmony and union of minds. It’s truer in case of the two. They have different backgrounds, structures of thought. The same desire, therefore, may not lead to a union. Inhibitions pull back. Jhumi can transcend, Hassan cannot. He cannot ignore familial and social constraints and possible injunctions. He has the pure emotion and tenderness but cannot have the ecstatic moments. She can ignore any impediments on the way to love, but he cannot enjoy the bliss of ecstasy.Inhibitons come in the way. His heart bleeds as he cannot advance towards the desired goal. He is in dilemma. He dithers. Sometimes he telephones Jhumi to pour out his mind, sometimes he fails to react adequately to the messages she sends waiting for poignant moments to come. He says: busy now, at office or will be back to you soon, dear.This prompts Jhumi to look forward and be frustrated.

              A debate continues in Hassan. He classifies love and tries to prioritize - love for parents, family, religion and the beloved. He fails and broods .He does not have any idea as to which one should be foregrounded. Dilemma leads to inaction which deprives him of the ecstasy Jhumi experiences.  So, a common ground is absent. Jhumi decides to withdraw. After three days of silence, Hassan called tonight. Jhumi could not but accept the call. He said, voice wet, “This is my last call. Respond or not, I love you… am going to Delhi. There I will change my SIM.” They cried profusely. What next?. They don’t know. This is the day of reckoning for Jhumi.

           She tossed about on bed all the night.

                                   Born Twice

                                                Nidhu Bhusan Das

           I have two birthdays. You may find it crazy. It is true, I tell you. You may think of the theory of the transmigration of soul, return of the soul to the immanent soul and the cycle of birth and rebirth. No, I have no idea of such theories and concepts. In fact, I have two moms, one left the world long ago and the other came after her departure. I don’t know if it is a case of resurrection. What I am sure about is that both my mothers have same physical features and psychological traits. Their affection for me is the same. However, there is one difference. The resurrected mom is not indulgent, and often reprimands me whenever I am naughty. Not only that, she is quite autocratic and never allows me to question her command and go against her will. I should not say my mom is headstrong because I believe what she does is good for me. She often says: ‘Dear, you are my only son. I live for you. I have none other than you.’ When she says so, I see in her eyes tears which she tries to hide from me. Maybe, it is the tears of joy of having a naughty son.

          Yesterday I acceded to the request of a friend to replace him at night to attend on his father who is in the hospital. When mom came back from office in the evening, I in fear told her of it. She became furious and ran straight upstairs leaving the tea on the table after the first sip. After minutes, I heard her calling: ‘Nimu !’ I in no time ran to her, and, perturbed, she told me to sit in front of her. I was shivering like a sacrificial goat immediately before the sacrifice. But she did not spit fire, but said in a tranquil tone: ‘I am angry with you not because you have decided to help your friend. We should do such a thing. What disturbs me is that you have forgotten you are under treatment and need sound sleep at night. I don’t view tv and work late at night because your sleep may be disturbed. I am angry at your stupidity. I give you 30 minutes to find someone else to be beside your friend’s father in the hospital at night. That’s all’ ,concluded my mom.

         I understood I had to act according to her command. I began search by telephone and at last found my friend Amit who volunteered to help me out. I immediately went to mom to tell. She smiled but remained silent. At dinner she was again tender and even fed me with her own hand. She does so when she is in joy and mom is happy when I am obedient.

        She tells me she is my biological mother. She is happy when I hang to her in the crowd of friends and relatives.. She tells people:’ My son has two birthdays – 2^nd October and 16^th May.’   I believe my mom who knows better than anyone else in such matters, no matter if the world think it is crazy.

Virtual World

                    Virtual Mom

                                                 Nidhu Bhusan Das

Ma chere Maman,

               Hope you are cheerful. Our conversation last night got disrupted because of net failure. Never mind, it happens when we’re in the virtual world. Now tell me what’s in your mind. You couldn’t tell what you think of me. I understand it’s difficult. But we must overcome.

              Well, you know my assessment of you. It’s objective, no flattery, as you may think. I believe you could have an academic position at a centre of excellence could you have devoted yourself to study. You could not. It happens in adolescence. Some can avoid the lure, others cannot. You were, if I’m not wrong, in the grip of amorous abbreviations like bf and gf, and that ate away a lot of study time. Yet you won a gold medal in MCA. This is not a mean achievement. This suggests you have the potential for scaling heights. Use this for your ascent in career.

             I know you would say,’ I’m not for temporal gain… in meditation for spiritual enlightenment.’ So, you have suggested I should begin to read about Gautama Buddha and his philosophy. Yes, mom, I’ll do it. I’m also for enlightenment. Astrological forecast is that I’ll one day leave behind the illusion of family life and go into the life of meditation away from everyone, near and dear. I feel the urge to go away into solitude, but the sense of responsibility pulls back. My younger daughter who is ill and innocent like a divine gift and my consort who is a simple lady and perfect homemaker hold me back. Will it be right to leave them? This is the pertinent question. I don’t know the answer. Can you help me?

           I understand you’re in quest for peace away from parents and friends in the land of clouds. You have told me you would never again choose to live in the plains. I know the symbolism associated with mountains. They represent the heaven. They’re the abode of our pantheon. You may be in touch with the pantheon, and, therefore, could find peace in isolation. You live in a house in Jowai, Meghalaya which, to ordinary people, appears to be haunted. You’ve opted for a difficult road with courage and determination. So, you’re the right person I should rely on for advice in this regard.

           I know, though your son, I’ll not have your access, as we’re in the virtual world of relationship. Is the spiritual world different from the virtual world? They appear to be alike. Both are illusive to me. I strive to reach you, but you’re elusive. The virtual is so different from reality.

           Okay,mom, good night

           

            Your doting son

  

Mother in Jowai

Mother in Jowai

Nidhu Bhusan Das

My mom lives in Jowai. Jowai, you know, is the headquarters of Jaintia Hills district of Meghalaya (home to clouds) in north-east India, and a crow’s flight from Bangladesh. Mom Ananya, a parapsychologist, likes the place of idyllic beauty on a plateau, 1380 m above sea level. Mom tells me the warm and pleasant summer and cool and chilly winter have enchanted her, and she would not return to Kolkata, the mega city of her birth. She says, her love for Jowai is next to her filial affection for me.

Last Sunday I was in terrible anxiety when she was out of reach by telephone and was offline till midnight. Where she could be, I thought, shaken. I know she lives in a haunted house, alone. She would not share the house with anyone else as, she says, it’s an ideal place for her research in paranormal phenomena. Think how my mom, a post graduate in parapsychology from JNU, is enamored of the subject - she opted for it even when she qualified for admission to study medical science. To my great relief, she came online minutes past midnight and wrote on the chat box: ‘Son, sorry I ‘m not well. Have vomited thrice.’ I enquired: ‘Mom, have you consulted a physician?’ ‘Let me see, my son. Maybe, I’ll be okay. It’s alright. Don’t worry. Your mom will come round.’ My mom, Ananya by name, is really unique in her thinking and way of life. Her parents are medical practitioners of repute but she would not listen to them regarding healthcare. My grandma often tells me they remain anxious all the time for my mom as she is indifferent to her health and safety and what not. She tells my grandma,’ I’ll live for my son, and you needn’t worry.’ So, grandma always transmits her message and wishes through me. Mom understands, and often reprimands me for being the her-master’s-voice of grandma.

Last night, I told mom that grandma had offered to cook special food for me on my next birthday. Mom became furious and told me,’ Go to your granny, I’m none of you.’ She began to cry, her cheeks drenched in tears, flowing profusely. In fact, my mom wouldn’t like to let her son be influenced by anyone, not even by her mother. She is always scared of losing me though she knows I obey her, follow her without asking why.

Once I requested her to visit me and live with us for some time at Siliguri. She wouldn’t. I became angry. I didn’t accept her call for days together. At last she e-mailed: ‘Son, I live for you, only you. I’ve none other than you. If you choose to be beyond my reach and affection, at least attend my funeral very soon. Take it to be the last message from our mom. My best wishes for you, my daughter-in-law and grand daughters.’ I couldn’t help crying. Tears rolled down. I retorted: ‘you’re cruel, mom, extremely cruel. Yet I love you, I cannot live without you, dear dear mom.’ I could see mom smiled and mailed back: ‘Son, I love you, you’re my world. But wouldn’t you allow me to be in my psychic self also?’

Mom-talk

Mom-talk

Nidhu Bhusan Das

Who knows what’s wrong?

We don’t know what we say

Thought and sound don’t sync.

Yet we think we can convey meaning.

Is it so, really?

Only mom-talk has the claim to perfection.

Too Good To Be My Mom

                 Too Good To Be My Mom

                                                        Nidhu Bhusan Das

          She is too good to be my mom. I can’t believe she is more than my biological mother. She has the spring of love and the mother in her. I am marveled at her sadness because a casual employee of her office has been shown the door. It’s rare, indeed. She tells me she will go for a hunger strike in protest and demand the reinstatement of her casual colleague. I understand JNU made her a human being sans selfishness. She has asked me with affection and expectation: ‘Son, you’re the boss of your office. Would you ever fire an employee?’ I understood. She does not expect her son could be inhuman. I said, ‘No, mom I wouldn’t.’ She asked for my suggestion as to how to deal with the situation. I said, ‘Mom, don’t be aggressive. Try to get the sympathy of the boss, persuade him gently. That will work.’ She agrees. Tomorrow she will approach the boss. I’m sure she will succeed. She has the empathy, and that will give her strength and power of persuasion.

       Can such a person be my mother? I have doubt. Yet I know she is my mom. She has all the qualities of an ideal mother. A mother is goddess incarnate. She is like that. I learn many things from her everyday. Her kindness and empathy make her charming. I’m told she likes to describe herself as rocking and charming. Yes, she is rocking, and I sleep everyday on her rocking lap. She is charming because she has the grace of a mother. She is my ananya maa, unique mom.

The Decision

                The Decision

                                     Nidhu Bhusan Das

  This is time of reckoning. It’s the moment when time is out of joint.No, no dithering. I am to decide, boldly, thought our Paramita. She remembers once her wise octogenarian mother told her, ‘Paramita, don’t go by what the sycophants say, give importance to the critics who point out mistakes and faults, throw suggestions. Remember, to err is human. Don’t be in the illusion that you cannot make mistakes.’ The mother is no more, but the advice rings in her ears now when she is in crisis following the Sarada scam.

 She thinks, ‘I can….jettison. I must or the applecart will turn over me. But ... Kumar is tainted, so is Sukul, Sanjoy and Sadan, according to media exposes so far. They had been my media faces till the other day. If I continue with them, people will begin to believe I am hand in glove with them.’ People still believe, some reluctantly, she is untainted. The sycophants are the villains. But how long will the belief sustain? She ponders over the question and says to her, ‘No, I cannot allow it to happen. I must decide.’

  Paramita goes back to history: ‘Mrs. Gandhi decided, Thatcher did, and they succeeded, made their marks.’ If she follows them she may decide and hurl overboard those who within a couple of years in power caused huge damage to the image of her party and government. Will she be able to decide? She had shown her determination and traversed where angels fear to tread as she did in case of Singur and Nandigram. Has the determination fizzled out? It is troubled time for her. She has been an ace trouble shooter.     

  She appears to be mercurial, but one cannot overlook that she has a method and she is ingenious. Yes, in the recent past she stumbled, it was so when she was influenced by sycophants. They persuaded her to play the national game, and she failed. By now when her house is in trouble she should understand and go for decisive action. Women in leadership have shown they can be ruthless. If she shares the psyche of strong woman leaders she can salvage the image she built through a long and protracted struggle. In that case many heads will roll in her party and the government. ‘Beware of sycophants,’ her mother would say. The warning rings loud in her ears.

Watching a TV Serial

 Watching a TV Serial

             Nidhu Bhusan Das

Jessie, your son, brought me back to life

And I’m sheltered in your lap.

I’m yours, mom, I promise

I cannot but fulfill what you wish.

You’ve told Jessie, lovelorn, is cheerful again

In my presence at your home, and you want it to sustain

With me beside him. You’ve shown my picture

Vermilion on forehead, yet want to have me

As your daughter-in-law. Overwhelmed I’m.

Though I’ve promises to keep, I’ll preserve

The bouquet Jessie brought for me.

Grandma's Story

Grandma’s Story

       Nidhu Bhusan Das

Continue your story, grandma

I’m interested.

Is it? Listen then:

Know of Padma ?

Yes, I do.

We’re here because of her.

How! Can a river guide?

Not guide could uproot.

One night she gorged our home.

We left with home deity Lakshmi

She, in dream, told me you would come

To make us happy. So you’re Soma.

I'm A Liar

                               I’m A Liar

                                              Nidhu Bhusan Das

         I’m a liar, am I, really? This doubt haunts me, often and anon. Monists would say, if not a liar, at least I’m a stupid. They believe statements have literal meanings, and we need not have doubt about it. I would have been happy had I been able to go by such a belief. My personal experience is different. I cannot take it for granted that words reveal the mind, sound may, sometimes, when it’s exclamation. Let me explain.

        Once my buddy Dulu, now in Maryland, USA in a chat message told me ,midway through the conversation,”Well,Nidhu, I’ll return in a minute” and  left. After two days she sent me a mail which reads: “Nidhu, dear, never mind. My daughter Roxana is back from New York in vacation. She arrived when we’re in conversation. You know she’s so naughty, and won’t allow me to share time with anyone else.  So, I couldn’t return, as promised. Would you mind, dear?” Could I, especially when we’re childhood pals and classmates till university days? I replied,” No, dear, I couldn’t mind. Your silence has been golden. Now, when you have told me of Roxana mom, can I but be gay? I could understand you had become damn busy with something important. Dulu protested against my statement, “Your silence was golden” and said vehemently that I was ironical and critical of her going away promising to return in no time.

       Dulu, as I know, and I’m, perhaps, the right person to talk on her mental process, is mercurial. She would often pick quarrel with me over trifles, scold me for minutes together, and then cry throwing books at me. We had many intimate minutes as well, planning future shared life. We quarreled and next minute caressed each other. Friends would hurl oblique remarks, and we would not mind.

       She has been equivocal- what she says yields meanings enough to hide her intention, and smiles when I fail to comprehend what she actually means. Even when I guess the meaning correctly, she misleads me saying ‘No. I have not intended this. What I mean is………’ Really, it’s difficult, I should say impossible, to win against her, she is so naughty. I’m not at all ironical when I say silence is golden, but I must not contradict her because she will, in that case, stop talking to me, which I cannot bear. I don’t lie, yet when it comes to my relation with Dulu, accept I’m a liar, and it’s for peace and to be together even when we’re apart.

KASTURI: Mom’s Beauty Nidhu Bhusan...

KASTURI:
          Mom’s Beauty               Nidhu Bhusan...:            Mom’s Beauty                Nidhu Bhusan Das No, mom I won’t have coffee Rini,I understand, you don’t like health dr...

          Mom’s Beauty

               Nidhu Bhusan Das

No, mom I won’t have coffee

Rini,I understand, you don’t like health drink

Mom, I would like to see you have it

Let me drink your beauty.

                     Dearest Chuck

                              Nidhu Bhusan Das

Tell me, little sister, when it comes to make a choice

What you pick up in tenderness

A book, a friend or your kids?

If you’re for a book, it’s love for shared knowledge

When your choice is a friend, it means you can step out

In case you say “I’m for the kids”, you’re an affectionate mom.

To this my sibling says,” I need all.”

I in glee suggest, “You’re still my little chhuby, dearest chuck.”

Elusive Angel

Nidhu Bhusan Das

A shadow eludes

My right leg itches to rise

The left one sticks, why?

If desire engenders fantasy

Reason brings back to reality

The conflict is interesting.

Rolling waves lash the coast

The water recedes

 Leaving behind surfs.

My angel hovers overhead

Sends down dew drops

That the sun swallows up.

It is bewildering

I cannot catch up with my angel.

 That’s Why I Bleed

      

                                                         Nidhu Bhusan Das

        I bleed, am being burnt. Don’t know why. Lalon was wrong, is it?  Is Allah the only word for the Almighty, Ishwar and God are forbidden? Am I the mother of only those who pray in the name of Allah?

        Look at me. I am perturbed. They kill my children who are not theocratic. They are theocratic because theocracy gives power and lucre. They shed blood because for them bloodshed goes well with attainment and preservation of power. See how they seek to repeat the rampage and killing like they did forty-two years from now in 1971.

      The youths took up arms and fought the War of Independence, with the support of the people who cherished a nation based on cultural identity. They went against the liberation war and collaborated with the occupation army of Pakistan. After the humiliating defeat of the occupation army, the collaborators went into hibernation. The usurpers who killed the Father of the Nation, Bangabandhu Sheikh Mujibur Rahman with his family members at 32, Dhanmondi Road on 15^th August 1975 called them to arise and shared power with them.

     The killers rewrote the Constitution to destroy the secular character of the country.

Now the country is set to restore secularism, and demand execution of the killer-collaborators. Their trial at the International War Crime Tribunal is on. Meanwhile, three verdicts have been handed out – two death sentences, one in absentia and one life imprisonment. The life term could not satisfy the overwhelming those who go by the spirit and values of the Liberation War. The youths who were born after the resurrection of the collaborators demand death sentence for kader Mollah who has been awarded life imprisonment. They launched a movement on 5^th February with the demand. The Parliament amended the Tribunal Act adding the right to appeal. The collaborators and their Islamist supporters started rampage and arson after the third verdict awarding death sentence, in presentia, was awarded to Delwar Hossain Sayedee.

      I cannot but be sad. My children are in agony being killed, wounded and rendered homeless only because they are religious minority or they demand death sentence for the collaborators, ban of communal parties and politics, and restoration of the secular polity. Do you think it right to force people into accepting any diktat in the name of religion. If yes, you do not respect human right. If no, you accept that it is not righteous. Righteousness is a tenet of foremost importance in Islam, like in other religions, monotheistic or polytheistic. I bleed because righteousness is undermined and human rights are violated in the name of Islam by those who are not enlightened and, thus, obscurantists. Let there be light for them.

Moms' Pix

          Nidhu Bhusan Das

Rini-Jhini, my nieces, born to Soma
So sweet are they, I didn’t know till the other day
When she mailed the pix, from the coast
Of the Arabian Sea, soon after we
Discovered we are siblings,
The fact, mysteriously hidden, so long.

O God, that this could happen, a sort of
Oedipus myth! We’re believers, Soma and I,
And, therefore, have no doubt
That it’s true, the discovery.
Uttam from Heaven looks down, happy
To see Soma stoically bears the brunt.

The twins, exactly like my mom,
Are good at learning, reports Soma,
And can cook assorted food.
I long for the food, moms would serve
Affectionately, sitting beside, for me to eat.

My e-Sister

Nidhu Bhusan Das: We are more than siblings. We live far away- she is on the coast of the Arabian Sea, I am in the foothills of the eastern Himalayas. Not that we were together in childhood and had the love and affection of the same parents. I lost my father when I was an infant of two and a half years. She lost her mother at 9 and father at 11. She told me she had been brought up by her elder sister. We had never been face to face, yet we feel we are related. She is a mother of two daughters; guardian of the family after the elder daughter lit the funeral pyre of her father. The daughters are now at school, studious and respectful to the mother. She deserves respect because the daughters know their mom looks after them bearing stoically the bereavement of the loss of her beloved husband at young age. She has two elder brothers and four elder sisters back in West Bengal. They want her to be back to them. She has chosen to remain in Mumbai for the education of the daughters to their liking. A hard decision for a young widow to take. She had the guts to decide as she did. I cannot but appreciate the courage and wisdom. Her wisdom consists in her desire to see her daughters grow and fit into a nice world. You may ask how I have come to know all these about her. No, I have not intruded upon her privacy. She belongs to the famed Mahalanabish family of Manikgonj of Dhaka, now in Bangladesh. Her grandma’s father was a lawyer of the king of Bhowal whose death under mysterious circumstances is part of Bengali folklore. Her paternal house was gobbled by the mighty Padma, famous for being abound with hilsa fish, a coveted food of Bangalis. Does she like to visit Bangladesh? No, her grandma told her their house had been swallowed by the Padma, the destroyer. She is a maths teacher. Her neighbours are good to her. We live apart and away, yet we are related as brother and sister. I am her dada (elder brother) and we are on the same wave length. We talk and interact regularly and wish to be siblings next time. Soma is my e-sister, but, meanwhile, we have come to believe we are siblings.